MY IDEAL GIFT

We all have that one ideal gift that tops all others. The one we’d love to receive from someone else but, at the same time, we don’t say anything for several reasons:

  1. We don’t want to burden other people with the task by actually telling them and making them feel obligated to get exactly that (although that’s sometimes the easiest option that people prefer).
  2. It’s not exactly the easiest gift to organise/obtain/give and you know that.
  3. It’s a secretly guilty pleasure.
  4. There’s an unwritten rule that you don’t ask for anything specific because a gift’s a gift and it’s the thought that counts.
  5. Another reason that my brain can’t think of right now because it’s 10 at night.

And I don’t mean the gifts like mansions, skyscrapers or private jets (a girl can dream). I mean the more obtainable gifts for us with not as much moola. The general ones that most people can actually afford.

Of course, we all undoubtedly appreciate and love -or “love”- the gifts we receive (unless you still don’t have a moral compass because you’re five) but there’s always that other thing that you secretly wish for. And yes, you could always just get these gifts yourself but there’s just that extra sense of happiness when someone takes the time to get to know what you want.

My ideal gift: I want someone to take me out somewhere completely new where we have a full day of just adventuring around and being idiots with each other. I want to go touristing around a new city/town, do something spontanious, sneak into somewhere different, laugh until my stomach hurts, lie down on a rooftop at night and talk about anything and everything, do something I’ve never done before, etc. I want a day or a moment in life that stands out from the rest but in a good way. One that I’ll look back on and smile about every time I remember it. That is my ideal gift.

Honestly though, the best part about these types of gifts isn’t the actual gift itself but the fact that someone thought you were important enough to pay attention to.

AKA I’m a hopeless romantic mixed with someone that has a pretty boring life right now. That… and Before Sunrise is one of my favourite movies; guilty as charged.

Advertisements

BUCKET LIST: JET SKIING ✅

Alright, so one of the things I’ve wanted to do on my ever growing bucket list is to go jet skiing and today, I DID JUST THAT!

THAT WAS LITERALLY THE MOST FUN I’VE HAD IN A REALLY REALLY INSANELY F*CKING LONG TIME.

My older sister and her boyfriend came up to visit us and he has a jet ski (and I license to use it) so he brought it up with them and, after breakfast, we took it out for a ride. He loaded it into the river and sat up front (to steer and all), my sister sat in the middle and I ended up sitting on the end.

We went out of the river mouth, along the beach (but further out to avoid the crashing waves) and then just around the ocean but always with at least one beach in sight. I will admit that I did scream every now and again (especially at the beginning), had to keep readjusting from constant wedgies and -at one point- I almost (literally) flew off the back when we were airborne but the adrenaline rush was 100 times worth it!

And you know those idiots that just seem to wave at everyone they pass by with the goofiest grin on their face? Yeah, hi! That was me when we were on the jet ski but who cares when you’re enjoying the moment! Did I mention I rode a jet ski?

Nearing the end, when we entered the mouth of the river, they taught me how to steer, gave me a go at driving the jet ski for the rest of the way and we ended up taking a little detour so I could have more of a go. I. F*CKING. SLAYED. Almost… Needless to say, I added “Get a PWC (jet ski) license” to my bucket list because I can’t wait to do it again!

On the downside to the whole thing – When I was sitting at the back, while I was holding into my sister’s life jacket, I was also clutching the jet ski’s back handles with my legs (you know, not wanting to fall off and all) and now those parts of my legs are killing me. It was like I was literally clutching on for my life and I have no idea whether or not there’s going to be massive bruising on those parts or not tomorrow.

Honestly though, I wish I could thank my sister and her boyfriend even more. I’m really not the best at showing how grateful I am to people but that was seriously the most fun I’ve had in ages and I’m still smiling at how great it was. AAHHH. I loved today! XD

GAVE MY NUMBER TO A TOTAL STRANGER

YOU GUYS!!!

 

This random guy just asked me for my number! I know this doesn’t actually seem like that big of a deal but this is the first time this has ever, ever, EVER happened to me SO IT’S A VERY BIG DEAL TO ME. O_O Like, when it comes to the dating world, I am not at the average 19 year old’s level. I’m more on par with how a middle school kid would handle relationships. :/

 

So I was walking back to my car after finishing my class at uni when this other car just stops near me and the driver says hi, how are you and asks if we can talk and I was like “Suuuuuuuuurreee…?” So he went to park his car and I will admit that, at that point, I did contemplate on just making a run for it because it was night, there weren’t many other cars, I was alone, stranger danger, I’m not good with guys and I’m just clearly soo smooth when it comes to these types of things. Pfft.

 

Anyway, we got talking and I handled that SO BADLY. Think of the awkwardest person you know and then times that by 10. That was me. These things just don’t come naturally to me, if at freaking all and it’s even worse when it’s out of no-freaking-where! Also, when I get nervous around people, I tend to lie out of nervousness and that’s exactly what I did. I told him that I was really bad at conversations too (oh my god, an actual truth) but he still insisted and I’ve never been good at turning people down so I was like, “Sure, why not.”

 

So now… well now I’ve just realised that I probably shouldn’t be giving my number out to people that ask for it because I am obviously not on the same level, dating-wise, as the people that ask strangers for their numbers and am now totally weirded out by this whole situation because this is all brand freaking new to me which = super uncomfortable! I also don’t actually remember his name so his number’s under Random Guy From Uni in my contacts list. And I’d feel bad for asking since he know’s mine (well at least the name that I gave him :S ) so… yeah… Maybe I’ll just stick to being around people first before hanging out one on one instead.

 

P.S. While we’re on the topic of giving numbers out, I completely forgot my card when I went to fill up on petrol this afternoon (and had no cash on me) but I didn’t realise this until after I’d filled the car up and I was like:

oh-no-gif

So I had to give the 7Eleven my name, number and address and now I’ve got to go back tomorrow to pay them, lol. But at least I made it to my exam on time and got 13.5/15. 😀

SIBLINGS AND DIARIES

From the two things in the title alone, I think you know where this is going. Those two things never mix well.

 

Alright, so the other night I left my computer on while I went to take a quick break (massive rookie mistake) and while I was gone, my younger sister took this as an invitation to go through my files. Apparently she was reading my email that I’d left up, accidentally deleted the attached file that was with it and tried to reattach the file before I came back. But, lo and behold, when she’s trying to find that one file again, she ends up seeing a file called Blog Posts 2015. So what does she do? What most nosy people would probably do (let’s be honest, I know I have before in similar situations). She opens it.

 

Or at least she tried to.

 

I have no idea if she actually opened it and read any of it because when I came back, it wasn’t opened but it was attached to the email instead of the original file and she was just sitting there staring at me with guilt written all over her face but I low key freaked out because in that file sat the name of this blog. So first thing I did was obviously tell her to GTFO. Then, in the midst of my freak out, I changed the name of my blog to what I have as my username and so far, no one from my country’s visited the blog since that night which means that she probably hasn’t read any of this. HOPEFULLY.

 

I mean, I probably could’ve just looked to see what date and time the file was last opened to maybe avoid this all but, pfft, what kind of person actually thinks properly when they’re freaking out? This place is literally my diary, AKA – somewhere siblings shouldn’t be. So that’s basically why my blog’s called “Xiva Secrets” now instead of… the other one name that I’d rather not say in case it pops up in Google searches but you know, instead of that one. Now she basically knows that I have a blog but not the name of it or where to find it.

 

tl;dr Sister looked through my files and I’m not sure whether or not she saw the name of my blog so now I’ve changed the name of it just to be extra cautious.

THAT EMBARRASSING UNI MOMENT

I’m so freaking mortified and need to let out my dramatic point of view somewhere.

Yesterday, I finished my second week of university (yaaaay, they kept me enrolled!) and it’s been all fine and dandy for the most part but during my last class I completely embarrassed myself though this may be me overthinking again.

So, the class lecturer/tutor was going through this massive page of code and explaining what every part of it meant and we all had the code up on our own computer screens to follow along. It was just like IP addresses, dates, websites, access times, etc (I’m doing a Bachelor of IT). While he’s talking though, there’s this massive change of colour in the corner of my eye so I look up out of habit/instinct and this guy has a porn meme up on his screen for about half a second that he quickly exits out of but I’m just thinking, “Really… you’re doing that now at uni…while there’s about six people that can see your screen from where they’re sitting. C’mon, you can’t wait till home?” But, you know, whatever. It’s not a big deal and I go back to concentrating on my screen.

Then, about two minutes later, I start looking through the whole code and realising that there’s so many websites listed (yeah, I zoned out before) so I check them out, just out of curiosity and I get to this whole list of links to Imgur; that massive photo sharing site. So I’m like, “Oh cool, I wonder what the photos are”, thinking they’d be pictures of cute puppies or ice cream sundaes or something like that but NOOO and that was the moment where I’d make the same mistake the guy from two minutes ago had just made.

I opened the first Imgur link and then closed it as soon as I saw the picture because it turned out to be another porn meme and I just sat there mortified for the next few minutes because I did a mental map in my head off the whole class and realised that there were at least two, maybe three, guys that probably saw what I just had up on my screen and now they probably think I’m some really weird chick for looking at those types of pictures in class because I can’t wait till I get home to do it! Unless they made the same mistake too… I seriously hope they did for my dignity’s sake, oh my god. 😳

I know the guy to my right saw what happened because he gave a little snicker under his breath when he saw how embarrassed I was about it but I have NO idea if the other two (that could see my screen) saw. Maybe this isn’t even a big deal to them though. Maybe they don’t care about this stuff as much as I do and found it funny for about 10 seconds. Maybe they know it was an accident. Or maybe they’re all secretly talking about that one weird chick in class. Ahh, I’m so freaking embarrassed.

It’s one of those things where if someone else does it, it’s whatever but if you do it it’s like, “OH GOD, WHAT HAVE I DONE.” Asdfgh, they’re gonna think I’m so strange now! I just want to merge into the wall and disappear into its colours.  x_x

DEAR FUTURE ME TAG

This’ actually been sitting in my drafts for almost a month now because I’d typed out the title but then I had no idea what to actually write in it so it’s just kind of been hanging out there. But thanks Little Blog for starting the tag and nominating me!

Rules:

  1. Tag it under “dearfuturemetag”
  2. Write a letter to yourself to read again (and answer if you want) in one year
  3. Nominate as many bloggers as you like!

 

Monday | 1st of February 2016

Dear future me,

I’m having another middle child moment here but I have no one in real life to complain about this to so I’m just going to let it out here and you can laugh about it in a year’s time! 😭 So you know how I’ve been going out almost everyday for over a month now, yeah? Well people in our family keep saying things like, “You know, you don’t really go out much…” in that really condescending way and then I’m all like:

tumblr_mv1pe3ucnz1srueolo1_500

What the hell does “much” mean to them!? Because, the last time I checked, I go out the most in this family but no one actually notices?! What does everyone think I do when they don’t see me or my car at home?! Do they just forget I exist or something!? Do I just drop off the face of the earth for a few hours to a day?!? And I’d usually brush things like this off as a whatever kind of scenario because it’s really not that important but it’s not only one person that’s said it and now it’s getting to me! Does our family just not notice us when we’re gone?! Do they just not take into account that I’m NOT THERE. It’s like I could drop off the face of the Earth and they’d realise… but it’d take them a few days to realise it. These middle child feels. 😖

Anyway, someone’s got a few days left until they turn 20! How’s it feel? What was being 19 like? Hope you had a blast because I’m about to live it for you. 😜 Seems like it was just yesterday when we were running around primary school playing cops and robbers, getting those beyond awkward school crushes and finally graduating from high school after 12 years of an emotional roller coaster. Now we’re almost 20? Time flies. A few more days of being a teen and, before you know it, you’re going to be rocking one of those motor scooters that all the baby boomers get to ride in.

So do you have any plans for your 20th? Or do you still have the whole, “It’s just a day. I can celebrate my birthday any and every other day; that’s what belated birthdays are for” attitude?

Did you end up getting kicked out of uni too or did they give you another chance to try again? Because I just started writing that show cause letter to the dean that explains what happened to make your grades drop and explain how you’ve improved and why they should give you a second chance so, don’t worry, I’ve got you covered. 😉 You can thank me when you finish reading this. But in the event that they don’t take what I said as a reason to stay and kick you out; I’M SO SORRY. Though being kicked out could also be the best thing to happen to you in the long run, you never know! Well, you’ll obviously know by now…

And just a reminder; I still want to do stuff like go wing suit gliding, snowboarding, dress in a panda mascot costume and walk around town, etc. so if you haven’t done any of those things yet; don’t mature. I don’t want you to forget about them.

A few more things:

Soooooooo… boyfriend, yes? Or are we still avoiding guys? 😆

What job do you have/have had since this letter?

Moved out of home yet or about to? Or changed your mind because of something I don’t know about?

Have you ticked anything off of the bucket list yet?

And how are you holding up?

Whatever happens; enjoy your life, don’t take it too seriously, don’t rush into anything, laugh off the bitter things in life, have fun but be smart about it, smile at strangers and know that you have a family of about 45, 000 (yeah, I’m not going to take the time to count heads) that’ll always be there for you to fall back on if you ever need it.

Love from that overly sensitive 18 year old you once were.

P.S. This reminds me of that letter we wrote to future us when we were eleven! DON’T LOSE THAT LETTER OR I WILL DISOWN YOU. x


 

Alright, technically it says to nominate as many bloggers as you like, right? So that means I don’t have to nominate anyone, right? And it’s not that I don’t want to; far from that! It’s just that I don’t really know anyone here and I’d feel really awkward about nominating a complete stranger. Not that there’s anything wrong with it AT ALL, it’s actually really great that people do that. I just… I’m like a dead end when it comes to these things even though I love them but if you’re reading this and want to do the #dearfuturemetag then I indirectly nominate you so go ahead and write your letter. 😊

DAY 30 OF 30: LAST BUT NEVER LEAST

Like 3 days too late of a post but; pssshhh. Who’s counting anyway? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I woke up super early, went to the beach and then headed off to the city. I know I go there a lot but it’s just so much more interesting than where I live because there’s so many places I haven’t visited yet. I just want to go exploring new places TBH. So I was driving around looking for The City Hall and I found it almost straight away! But theeeennn I lost it when I was trying to find a place to park (god damn city parking). 😒 Then it took me like half an hour to find a parking spot because I was trying to look for this certain one but couldn’t find it and ended up parking in some random complex.

THEN, when I walked out of the complex; I thought that since the casino was on one end, City Hall must be on the other (haha, don’t ask) so I turned right and headed down the street whiiicchh just ended up taking me in the complete opposite direction of City Hall. But I didn’t know at the time so I ended up doing like a lap of about 3 blocks and walking into a bookshop until I came up to the car park I was initially going to park in but thought “nah, the place I parked at won’t cost that much and I really can’t be bothered re-parking right now”. So I eventually found The City Hall a little further up and started wandering through all the rooms it had. Not gonna lie, it was pretty boring.

But I’d heard there was a museum somewhere in there so I went looking for it and jumped into an elevator with another girl (because apparently it was on the 3rd floor and you had to take the elevator up). Anyway, you know that few seconds of silence that just sits in the elevator’s atmosphere when you’re in there with other random people? Well that happened but it actually lingered on until we realised that the elevator wasn’t even moving so we were like WTF. Turns out that it went to every other floor except for the third, even though it had a 3rd floor button (lucky us, right?), so we went looking for another elevator to take us up which took forever (okay a few minutes but in that heat it felt like forever) and, literally just as she’d found it, I turned off into another direction so it took me a few more minutes to find again. I actually completely walked straight past the proper elevators at one point and only found them on the way back.

*face palm*

There was history, some art work and this really cool light art room where they completely blacken the room and an upside down picture appears that your eyes are supposed to adjust to or something. And this took 4 or 6 minutes (can’t remember). But that wasn’t what I was entertained by, no. I actually didn’t really understand it. What I was entertained by was the fact that it was one of those rooms where, if you were wearing white, you would freaking glow! OMG. The next time I go there, I’m so wearing all white and becoming a human lighthouse. 😄

After City Hall, I went walking around the street mall that was literally right across the road and looked through all the shops which led me to bumping into a street magician/comedian right when he was starting. To this moment, I still have no clue as to how he managed to get a freaking melon into his hat without anyone noticing. I mean, I understand how he did everything else but where the fluck did that melon come from?! 😱 There was literally no where he could’ve hidden it! His satchel was too small, there was no hiding place under the table, it wouldn’t have been in his hat the whole time because it was too big and you don’t just pull a massive melon out of your sleeve without anyone noticing. HOW!! SOMEONE TELL ME HOW! 😠

When the show was over, I went back to my car buuuutttt then I realised that I’d lost it. Yeah, it wasn’t my best moment. 😐 So I went on like my fifth hunt today (I got a little lost more than once on the way to the city). My plan was to find the bookstore I saw when I first arrived except I never…. found it. Instead, I walked in about 4 circles and kept passing familiar places until I found the casino that I’d walked in the opposite direction from when I first left the parking complex so I walked down the road and there it was. There it was indeed… And the $66 charge for parking there. For 3 – 4 hours. I knew I should’ve re-parked… I mean, I knew it’d be a little more expensive to park where I did but I was thinking in the $20 – $30 range not freaking $60’s. At least my family will never hear about this. 😳

I visited two more places after that but, while I was parked in one of their car parks, my car wouldn’t start up and I was like, “GOD NOOOO, NOT NOW!!” because then I would’ve had to call my sister to come help me and I’m just trying to be more independent right now and she would’ve never let me live that down. Anyway, it finally started up after a few more tries and waiting, thank goodness. I don’t know what happened but I read something about a start up engine? I don’t know. Don’t really speak car but I’ll look into it later.

Lesson’s learnt:

  • Plan where you park
  • Remember where you park
  • Google Map your directions before you leave, just like you used to, because you actually suck so much when it comes to following a GPS

And my 30 days are officially… OVER (well 3 days ago but details schmetails)! 😏

I know this whole thing probably seems really small and stupid to most people because, if I was reading this whole 30 day thing 3 years ago, I honestly would’ve thought it was stupid too. Like, how can you be afraid of just talking to people or stepping out of the house? It’s so easy! Right? But people react to certain things differently. It’s like a learnt thing (or at least was/is for me) and a defense mechanism but I’ve definitely improved with my confidence/self esteem from when I first started from needing someone by my side or power-walking through a shopping center to get what I need to going to a whole new city on my own and having conversations with random strangers. And I know it’s like, “Look at these kids with their first world problems” but… first world problem’s still a problem?

Still a long way to go but at least now I’m fine enough to not spend the whole of 2016 hiding in my parent’s house and shutting myself off from a good life (HOPEFULLY). My next steps now are probably to get a job and beg the dean to let me stay in uni. We’ll see how they go. 😜 x

DAYS 27 TO 29 OF 30: PRETTY MELLOW

I really didn’t do anything I feel’s really worth writing about but, at the same time, I’d feel bad about skipping it too because I’m one of those idiots that are waaaayy too empathetic (I don’t know if that’s the word or not) to the point where you feel bad if you don’t give attention to/get rid of something that’s not even alive. You know, like when you don’t want to throw out your worn out shoes because you’d feel bad for doing that since you guys have a “connection” now or when you don’t want to just throw your old teddies away, you want to give them to a kid that’ll play with them but not so the kid will have something to play with. No, we’re not that caring. Pfft. It’s so you don’t feel like you’re betraying the teddies that once gave you so much joy by dumping them in the bin. You want to make sure they get a good home. Well, it’s like that except with this post, I don’t want to just skip over it like a forgotten child so let the jumble of words begin!

DAY 27

Whenever I don’t remember what I did on a certain day, I go on my phone to look at my online banking history and see what I spent on in that particular day and where (or, if I didn’t spend any money on that day, I look at the days around it to try and remember what I did in between) and this usually jogs my memory of what I’ve done. Like little dot points. And apparently I filled up on petrol on this day but, apparently, it’s also the only thing that I can remember doing. 😐 I actually have no idea what I did… Then again, it must’ve been pretty dull if my mind’s not willing to remember it so I guess we get to skip that at least. 😝

“Don’t worry about it” it said. “We’ll still remember it later” it said. This is why it’s a really bad idea to listen to my mind when it wants to procrastinate.

*10 minutes later*

Alright, I remember looking for USB’s for something but thinking that they were all so expensive. But that can’t have been the only thing I was doing then because I wouldn’t drive that far just for some USB’s. There was something else… BUT WHAT?!

DAY 28

Do you remember, about three (maybe?) weeks ago, when I was trying to decide on what colour bed sheets I wanted? I know, super exciting, right? 😒 Well, I finally just decided to have them black and white so I went out to get a white bed sheet set (and a black quilt cover thing + those black and white pillows with fancy designs but couldn’t find any) which then motivated me to actually clean my room which led to me actually finding a floor underneath all the junk that was once there.

Anyway, I’ve been trying to sleep earlier because I feel better when I can wake up earlier without being tired and this was the first time I would’ve slept in my room in ages (I kind of just casually migrated to the living room…). Yeah, WOULD’VE. I tried and then I got that unwelcomed reminder of why I migrated:

My younger sister’s really good when it comes to music. She’s an awesome singer and can learn instruments in no time at all. Really talented like that. But she has the absolute worst schedule of doing things. It’s not just with music but, for some reason (maybe she’s just going through that phase where she thinks, “Tbh, I don’t even need that much sleep. It’s just a waste of time.” We’ve all been through it or will go through it, don’t deny the inevitable), she likes to practice new songs until it’s like, 11 or 12 at night which just interferes so much with me when I’m trying to sleep earlier. Then, if you ask her to stop because you’re trying to get your 8 hours, she’ll stop. And then resume the next day. She’s that kind of a sibling. It’s great that she wants to continuously improve but STOP DOING THAT AT 11 AT NIGHT.

So I slept in my older sister’s room instead (she’s moved out but her room here’s like a spare) but I could still hear my younger sister playing the guitar and singing and that’s just not something I can sleep to. So I YouTubed some sleeping sounds thing that lasted about 8 hours, plugged my earphones in and actually fell asleep in like 2 minutes.

DAY 29

OMG that was actually the best sleep I’ve had in ages. I don’t know if it was because of that 8 hour YouTube video or because I was actually in a bed for the first time in forever (or both) but I swear to god, my dreams are so much more exciting than my real life… I just wish I could dream forever. 😭

Too bad I didn’t do that much today. Just kind of planned like the outline for tomorrow, helped around the house a little, sorted some things out and made a black pillow case for my bed from my old bed sheets. I would’ve done a whole lot more but the sewing machine kept stuffing up and I kept getting going all she-hulk about it so it was all just… bleh.

I was going to do something else today but, because I slept in so late and wouldn’t have gotten enough sleep if I’d woken up early enough, I just decided to do it on the last day of my 30 days instead. 😉 x

P.S. This reminds me though; I need to find a kid to give my teddies to. I just feel so bad for them collecting dust in my wardrobe. 😩

DAYS 25 AND 26 OF 30: JUST AN OBSERVATION + THE EMAIL

Don’t die wondering, walk across the room and say “hello”.

DAY 25

I went to the beach again (shock horror…) and I never really noticed this until now but, when you’re in the water as opposed to just lying on the beach and getting a tan or reading a book or whatever, people come up and talk to you more. Like, when you’re just lying on your towel, it’s like people don’t want to bother you or something. You know, like you have a “Do Not Disturb” sign above your head. 😂 But when you’re just wading in the water, doing whatever, you come off as one hundred times more approachable.

Seriously, this exact same thing has happened to me every time I’ve been in the water. Some other loner on the beach will be nearby, whether they’re just walking their dog or here for a swim too, and they’ll slowly start walking in your direction or they’ll throw the tennis ball near you so their dog runs over and then they have a reason to come over.

BUT, being the social butterfly that I am *cough cough*, whenever I spot them doing just this, I automatically walk out of the water and retreat back to my things because everyone that does this actually intimidates me so much. I have like this mini internal freak out whenever someone looks like they’re walking towards me and just like, run away… but in a walking motion because I don’t want to offend them by making it painfully obvious. And then I instantly regret it because I do want to talk to people, I DO. I’m just so painfully bad at talking to a lot of people that I avoid it! Then I end up wondering what we would’ve talked about, if we would’ve become friends or hung out afterwards, etc. But no. I never find out any of this because I run walk away from it.

And for all I know, they might not even be walking towards me to talk in the first place! Maybe the sand’s just too hot and they need to walk along the water where it’s cooler and it just looks like they’re walking towards me or something of the like and OMG STOP OVERTHINKING. Anyway…

I know this is beyond reading too much into it but this happened again today and when I retreated back to my things again, he stayed in the water in front of me for a while and just swam with his dog where I just was. And like, he had the WHOLE beach to find somewhere to swim (it was a quiet beach so there weren’t many people too and the beach went on for miles sooo…) so I was just thinking, “NOOO!! Why did you just do that again! WHY!! You could’ve met someone new! STOP RUNNING AWAY!”

So the next time I go to the beach, I am going to wade in that freaking water and go out of my way just to stay in that darn water (but, you know, just until I get bored of the water but I like it too much for that to happen). There will be no running away again. You glue your soul to that freaking part of the Earth and stay! YOU ARE GOING TO TALK TO SOMEONE NEW.

See; while everyone my age’s getting STD’s from each other, I’m still trying to get the hang of saying hi to people.

Long story short; wade in the water for conversation. This is something I can’t seem to do.

DAY 26

My sister and her friend wanted to go to the ice skating rink today so I took them there and then took mum out shopping and omg, I’m so stupid. Mum had put her cup of coffee in the trolley and I was pushing the trolley but accidentally pushed it too hard so the coffee tipped over. But, (and I don’t know why, but) instead of just turning the coffee back upright myself, I just kept pushing the trolley while waiting for mum to pick it up instead so I left this massive line of spilled coffee in the supermarket while people were just watching.

But I mean, my logic doesn’t even make sense!

I think it’s just that my first reaction was that mum was closer to it when, although she was, I could’ve just reached over and picked it up in a second but I think I kept on pushing the trolley too because I just wanted to get out of there as fast as I could and, with everyone watching and making me nervous, I wasn’t thinking properly. I was so embarrassed. That probably made me look like the biggest idiot. 😳

Also, It finally happened. I knew it would eventually but I’m surprised it took so long. Yeah, I wish it was good too but it’s not. I got my exclusion letter from uni (university). I’ve mentioned it really briefly on here in some other post yonks ago but I didn’t really do well last year (unless you count passing two out of eight courses as awesome 👌👎) because I was too scared to leave the house and really intimidated by people and all that.

So now I have to write a “show cause” letter back to them which is pretty much just explaining why it happened, why they should still keep me enrolled, what I’ve done to improve myself since then, etc. And any evidence to support/back up my claims. But I don’t know if they’ll believe me or not because I have no evidence saying I was housebound. Like, I have no doctors letters or anything like that since I didn’t go to them (you know, with the whole house bound thing going on) and I sure as hell am not asking my family to write a statement for supporting evidence because they’re not finding out about this. And, let’s be real, anyone can say they were too anxious to leave the house as an excuse so I have no idea if they’ll even take it into consideration as a legitimate excuse or just think I’m slacking off.

Alright, I’ll write the letter tomorrow and hopefully explain myself right because I really do want to get a degree. Night! x

DAYS 19 TO 24 OF 30: WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I ATTEMPT TO BUDGET

I could’ve written my life story and it would’ve been shorter than this… 😂😐

I know this is like a whole clump of days but I got really confused and mixed them up when I thought I was missing a day because numbers weren’t adding up and then I had to look back through everything aaand blah blah blah. But now that it’s sorted;

DAY 19

My younger sister and her friend wanted to go to this massive trampoline jumping place in the city so we (mum and I) drove them there, dropped them off and then went out to eat at some cute little restaurant and shop for a bit, though the only thing I bought was a notebook to start budgeting and just put random things in throughout the year (I like reflecting back on what past me did/thought/rambled about).

When we finally picked them up, we all went to a shopping center and just wandered around until dinner came around where we then met up with my older sister (she lives in the city but was working that day) and had dinner together before leaving for home.

Yeah, today wasn’t really that interesting for me either… It was more about doing what everyone else wanted to do and where they wanted to go just to let them enjoy themselves.

On the way back home though, it was late at night and we were on the highway so I couldn’t see as far ahead as usual since there weren’t any other cars and I was at a part where there were no street lights. Anyway, you don’t usually expect there to be something lying in the middle of the highway, let alone something massive. But there was. There was half a freaking kayak laying in the middle of the freaking road and, because I could only see as far as my headlights, I only saw the outline of it and thought it was just one of those massive palm tree/banana leaves or something like that (what an idiot, there weren’t even any of those trees close by) so I was like, “Alright, it’ll just crunch under the wheels but I’ll just go a bit to the side anyway.”

But as I got closer, I realised it wasn’t a massive leaf. It was half a freaking kayak and I swerved to the side but I could only swerve so far because there was a ditch on the side so I ended up going over the edge of the kayak which jolted it up against the car and now I have scratches all along the side. 😭 It sucks…

DAY 20

So, I know that I haven’t really been paying attention to how much I’ve been spending for the whole 30 days thing going on here but I’ve had an inkling that I’ve been spending a little more than I probably should’ve. Oh. My. Gobstopper. I recorded and added up everything that I’ve spent since Day 1 of 30 and, sweet cheese balls, I’ve been spending, on average, about $263 (in Australian Dollars) every week which is like $790 in almost 3 weeks which I’m pretty sure is already more than what I spent as a whole last year (yeah… last year, I felt really guilty about spending my money since I wasn’t working and because something else so I just didn’t).

I need to start spending less. And get a job.

Anyway, onto the day; I went out with a friend to a shopping center and just walked around looking at everything (BECAUSE I NEED TO MONEY DIET. NOT REALLY SURE WHY I CAPS LOCKED THIS BUT I THINK IT MIGHT BE KIND OF IMPORTANT)… which got boring pretty quickly. So we went back to her place, got her dog, changed into some swimmers and went to a dog beach nearby and then to this mini market afterwards where she bought some fudge and I… didn’t… I just tasted the free samples because I need to save…  😰

DAY 21

I mainly just spent the day with my head; designing the cover, writing random things in the notebook, including some clues, and watching Bob’s Burgers on Netflix.

See, I’m like… I’m a bit weird with some of the things that I like. Well, okay, not weird because that’s just mean. It’s more like; different from the majority/not the social norm. I really love treasure hunts and it’s “fine” for a kid but not considered that great for anyone that’s not a kid. It’s seen as childish basically and maybe I am childish but I love trying to figure out the clues you get given to figure it all out. I don’t know, I’m just a really curious person and the whole world’s just a massive playground that costs a bit more than just monopoly money.

GAH, stop rambling. So I left a few clues to a few things that no one in real life knows about, like; this blog, that fake name that I go by a lot (that’d probably lead them to other places and some other things. Though my family’s not really the type to put time into figuring these types of things out so we’ll see. I just like leaving little clues behind, you know? It just makes life that little bit more fun. 😄

After spending a whole day with pens to the notebook, mum and I went to pick dad up from the airport before we all ate out an Indian restaurant nearby. We had things like Mango chicken, Naan bread, some other type of chicken and… and that’s actually all I remember. 😐

DAY 22

I still have no idea why but my car’s engine oil needed changing (but it probably had something to do with the smoke coming from the engine and the sticker on the window saying to change the engine oil on the 16th of January 2016 💡) so dad did that for me while I tried to hide the scratches from that darn half a kayak and now my car looks so new! 😍 Apart from all those really deep scratches that I’m 99% sure were from when my sister drove it and not me. 99% sure.

Okay, I know I went somewhere after this because I remember going somewhere but I can’t actually remember where… hmm…

DAY 23

Dad’s like the biggest jet setter right now. We went to drop him off at the airport again because he was just with us for the holidays and then things started getting heated between mum and my younger sister. They were both SO moody and wanted to go to different places so I tried to compromise on both (holy cow, they were both as stubborn as mules today though I still love them) and we ended up going to one place first and then the other.

But wow, I wanted to go all Tumblr on them with the whole, “Guys, you have the rest of your lives to act like this towards each other and, even then, what’s the point? Enjoy the time you guys have together, you can go places any other day.” and so on but that would’ve just made the intended audience a whole lot angrier so I just thought to not.

DAY 24

I CAN’T BUDGET!! I went out for one thing today and one thing only but ended up getting like six things instead. But, in my defense (even though it’s not really that defensive…) they were all for other people. It’s just that… like… well there was a closing down sale. FOR JEWELLERY. 60% off MINIMUM. How could you pass up on that? So I bought presents for everyone (except I have no idea what dad would’ve wanted).

So I spent about $120 on getting jewellery for my family as presents. A (don’t know what type of) gold bracelet for my older sister, a gold (only 9 carrat though) necklace with small diamonds and a pearl for mum and a Pandora charm (black and silver) + a silver bracelet for my younger sister. Though I still don’t know which bracelet should go to who. I’m still deciding for now so it’s not final.

Then two more (waaay cheaper) things for my younger sister’s birthday (even though it isn’t until June). See! I suck at saving on money! I need someone to actually hold it for me so I don’t have access to it. But, then again, what’s the point of having money if you don’t spend it… No! I’m saving up until I’m able to get a job so I can move out. Yeah. There’s my reason. Ugh, but I just love shopping and buying pretty things. 😭

I’M SORRY IT’S SO LONG AGAIN!