Don’t die wondering, walk across the room and say “hello”.

DAY 25

I went to the beach again (shock horror…) and I never really noticed this until now but, when you’re in the water as opposed to just lying on the beach and getting a tan or reading a book or whatever, people come up and talk to you more. Like, when you’re just lying on your towel, it’s like people don’t want to bother you or something. You know, like you have a “Do Not Disturb” sign above your head. 😂 But when you’re just wading in the water, doing whatever, you come off as one hundred times more approachable.

Seriously, this exact same thing has happened to me every time I’ve been in the water. Some other loner on the beach will be nearby, whether they’re just walking their dog or here for a swim too, and they’ll slowly start walking in your direction or they’ll throw the tennis ball near you so their dog runs over and then they have a reason to come over.

BUT, being the social butterfly that I am *cough cough*, whenever I spot them doing just this, I automatically walk out of the water and retreat back to my things because everyone that does this actually intimidates me so much. I have like this mini internal freak out whenever someone looks like they’re walking towards me and just like, run away… but in a walking motion because I don’t want to offend them by making it painfully obvious. And then I instantly regret it because I do want to talk to people, I DO. I’m just so painfully bad at talking to a lot of people that I avoid it! Then I end up wondering what we would’ve talked about, if we would’ve become friends or hung out afterwards, etc. But no. I never find out any of this because I run walk away from it.

And for all I know, they might not even be walking towards me to talk in the first place! Maybe the sand’s just too hot and they need to walk along the water where it’s cooler and it just looks like they’re walking towards me or something of the like and OMG STOP OVERTHINKING. Anyway…

I know this is beyond reading too much into it but this happened again today and when I retreated back to my things again, he stayed in the water in front of me for a while and just swam with his dog where I just was. And like, he had the WHOLE beach to find somewhere to swim (it was a quiet beach so there weren’t many people too and the beach went on for miles sooo…) so I was just thinking, “NOOO!! Why did you just do that again! WHY!! You could’ve met someone new! STOP RUNNING AWAY!”

So the next time I go to the beach, I am going to wade in that freaking water and go out of my way just to stay in that darn water (but, you know, just until I get bored of the water but I like it too much for that to happen). There will be no running away again. You glue your soul to that freaking part of the Earth and stay! YOU ARE GOING TO TALK TO SOMEONE NEW.

See; while everyone my age’s getting STD’s from each other, I’m still trying to get the hang of saying hi to people.

Long story short; wade in the water for conversation. This is something I can’t seem to do.

DAY 26

My sister and her friend wanted to go to the ice skating rink today so I took them there and then took mum out shopping and omg, I’m so stupid. Mum had put her cup of coffee in the trolley and I was pushing the trolley but accidentally pushed it too hard so the coffee tipped over. But, (and I don’t know why, but) instead of just turning the coffee back upright myself, I just kept pushing the trolley while waiting for mum to pick it up instead so I left this massive line of spilled coffee in the supermarket while people were just watching.

But I mean, my logic doesn’t even make sense!

I think it’s just that my first reaction was that mum was closer to it when, although she was, I could’ve just reached over and picked it up in a second but I think I kept on pushing the trolley too because I just wanted to get out of there as fast as I could and, with everyone watching and making me nervous, I wasn’t thinking properly. I was so embarrassed. That probably made me look like the biggest idiot. 😳

Also, It finally happened. I knew it would eventually but I’m surprised it took so long. Yeah, I wish it was good too but it’s not. I got my exclusion letter from uni (university). I’ve mentioned it really briefly on here in some other post yonks ago but I didn’t really do well last year (unless you count passing two out of eight courses as awesome 👌👎) because I was too scared to leave the house and really intimidated by people and all that.

So now I have to write a “show cause” letter back to them which is pretty much just explaining why it happened, why they should still keep me enrolled, what I’ve done to improve myself since then, etc. And any evidence to support/back up my claims. But I don’t know if they’ll believe me or not because I have no evidence saying I was housebound. Like, I have no doctors letters or anything like that since I didn’t go to them (you know, with the whole house bound thing going on) and I sure as hell am not asking my family to write a statement for supporting evidence because they’re not finding out about this. And, let’s be real, anyone can say they were too anxious to leave the house as an excuse so I have no idea if they’ll even take it into consideration as a legitimate excuse or just think I’m slacking off.

Alright, I’ll write the letter tomorrow and hopefully explain myself right because I really do want to get a degree. Night! x


2 thoughts on “DAYS 25 AND 26 OF 30: JUST AN OBSERVATION + THE EMAIL

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