Do you ever find yourself avoiding those one or two (or a few) places because you know that people you know either work there, go there, study there and so on? You know, maybe it’s someone from high school that you don’t want to bump into again or maybe it’s someone that annoys you but you’re too nice to tell them you don’t want to hang out on Thursday night, etc. Well I’m avoiding certain places again and I don’t know why. I just don’t want to see certain people again but I don’t know why! I just stop myself!
I went out with mum and dad this morning to replace the tire that somehow magically tore yesterday 😕 and then we went out for coffee and donuts while we waited for the replacement (well they went out for coffee and donuts, I kind of just went along with them). But while we were there, dad asked me to buy something for him but I wouldn’t go to the place because of two people I know/knew that work there (that guy from the other day where I tried to not make eye contact with then did… and his friend), so we went back and forth with the “go”, “no”, “go”, “no” until I remembered the other store that sold it and went there instead. It’s not even that I was on bad terms with that certain someone or anything like that, I just don’t want to bump into all these people from my past.
But it didn’t stop just there! My sister, dad and I went to buy a photo scanner and a few more of their things this afternoon and THERE WAS SOMEONE ELSE FROM HIGH SCHOOL. I have no idea if she saw me but when I saw her, instead just being all normal and giving a wave or whatever, I ducked straight into the closest aisle. Like, WHY!! Just stay cool, it’s not even that hard! It’s like my fight or flight function that we all have’s just completely broken. WHY!!
Afterwards, I went out (again, I’m so surprised I still have fuel in my car) to get some ingredients for my family, for dinner, and bumped into an old family friend who only knew me as mum’s daughter… though, to be fair, I didn’t exactly know his. I swear, most people only recognise me as ‘s daughter/sister/niece/cousin/friend/old classmate/ex-bestfriend’s dog’s distant relative’s pet human’s godfather. The life of a middle child; recognised through others but forgotten as an individual. 😒 Haha, though I guess that’s better than not knowing me at all.
Anyway, I feel like I’m just going through the motions now. Nothing new, just making the days pass again. I want to go on fun/exciting adventures and do things like go stand up paddle boarding, sky-diving, get a job, meet more people, climb up “do not climb” buildings and sneak into places, explore different areas and hidden gems, do volunteer work and help around, get some innocent revenge on a few people, go water skiing, learn how to fight/defend and all that! I want it to be exciting but I don’t know how to make it exciting and I’m not game enough to do most of it alone or at least yet because it just sucks when you have no one to share moments with or when you don’t have the right people to give you that little push. And I know that you shouldn’t rely on people for these kinds of things but… I’m just still trying to grow. Sorry, that was a weird ramble. This whole thing is.. whoops.
But my god, the humidity here’s killing me. 😭 I’m sorry (OMG why do I say sorry so much!!), I’m just tired so a lot of this probably doesn’t make much sense. Night! x