DAY 30 OF 30: LAST BUT NEVER LEAST

Like 3 days too late of a post but; pssshhh. Who’s counting anyway? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I woke up super early, went to the beach and then headed off to the city. I know I go there a lot but it’s just so much more interesting than where I live because there’s so many places I haven’t visited yet. I just want to go exploring new places TBH. So I was driving around looking for The City Hall and I found it almost straight away! But theeeennn I lost it when I was trying to find a place to park (god damn city parking). 😒 Then it took me like half an hour to find a parking spot because I was trying to look for this certain one but couldn’t find it and ended up parking in some random complex.

THEN, when I walked out of the complex; I thought that since the casino was on one end, City Hall must be on the other (haha, don’t ask) so I turned right and headed down the street whiiicchh just ended up taking me in the complete opposite direction of City Hall. But I didn’t know at the time so I ended up doing like a lap of about 3 blocks and walking into a bookshop until I came up to the car park I was initially going to park in but thought “nah, the place I parked at won’t cost that much and I really can’t be bothered re-parking right now”. So I eventually found The City Hall a little further up and started wandering through all the rooms it had. Not gonna lie, it was pretty boring.

But I’d heard there was a museum somewhere in there so I went looking for it and jumped into an elevator with another girl (because apparently it was on the 3rd floor and you had to take the elevator up). Anyway, you know that few seconds of silence that just sits in the elevator’s atmosphere when you’re in there with other random people? Well that happened but it actually lingered on until we realised that the elevator wasn’t even moving so we were like WTF. Turns out that it went to every other floor except for the third, even though it had a 3rd floor button (lucky us, right?), so we went looking for another elevator to take us up which took forever (okay a few minutes but in that heat it felt like forever) and, literally just as she’d found it, I turned off into another direction so it took me a few more minutes to find again. I actually completely walked straight past the proper elevators at one point and only found them on the way back.

*face palm*

There was history, some art work and this really cool light art room where they completely blacken the room and an upside down picture appears that your eyes are supposed to adjust to or something. And this took 4 or 6 minutes (can’t remember). But that wasn’t what I was entertained by, no. I actually didn’t really understand it. What I was entertained by was the fact that it was one of those rooms where, if you were wearing white, you would freaking glow! OMG. The next time I go there, I’m so wearing all white and becoming a human lighthouse. 😄

After City Hall, I went walking around the street mall that was literally right across the road and looked through all the shops which led me to bumping into a street magician/comedian right when he was starting. To this moment, I still have no clue as to how he managed to get a freaking melon into his hat without anyone noticing. I mean, I understand how he did everything else but where the fluck did that melon come from?! 😱 There was literally no where he could’ve hidden it! His satchel was too small, there was no hiding place under the table, it wouldn’t have been in his hat the whole time because it was too big and you don’t just pull a massive melon out of your sleeve without anyone noticing. HOW!! SOMEONE TELL ME HOW! 😠

When the show was over, I went back to my car buuuutttt then I realised that I’d lost it. Yeah, it wasn’t my best moment. 😐 So I went on like my fifth hunt today (I got a little lost more than once on the way to the city). My plan was to find the bookstore I saw when I first arrived except I never…. found it. Instead, I walked in about 4 circles and kept passing familiar places until I found the casino that I’d walked in the opposite direction from when I first left the parking complex so I walked down the road and there it was. There it was indeed… And the $66 charge for parking there. For 3 – 4 hours. I knew I should’ve re-parked… I mean, I knew it’d be a little more expensive to park where I did but I was thinking in the $20 – $30 range not freaking $60’s. At least my family will never hear about this. 😳

I visited two more places after that but, while I was parked in one of their car parks, my car wouldn’t start up and I was like, “GOD NOOOO, NOT NOW!!” because then I would’ve had to call my sister to come help me and I’m just trying to be more independent right now and she would’ve never let me live that down. Anyway, it finally started up after a few more tries and waiting, thank goodness. I don’t know what happened but I read something about a start up engine? I don’t know. Don’t really speak car but I’ll look into it later.

Lesson’s learnt:

  • Plan where you park
  • Remember where you park
  • Google Map your directions before you leave, just like you used to, because you actually suck so much when it comes to following a GPS

And my 30 days are officially… OVER (well 3 days ago but details schmetails)! 😏

I know this whole thing probably seems really small and stupid to most people because, if I was reading this whole 30 day thing 3 years ago, I honestly would’ve thought it was stupid too. Like, how can you be afraid of just talking to people or stepping out of the house? It’s so easy! Right? But people react to certain things differently. It’s like a learnt thing (or at least was/is for me) and a defense mechanism but I’ve definitely improved with my confidence/self esteem from when I first started from needing someone by my side or power-walking through a shopping center to get what I need to going to a whole new city on my own and having conversations with random strangers. And I know it’s like, “Look at these kids with their first world problems” but… first world problem’s still a problem?

Still a long way to go but at least now I’m fine enough to not spend the whole of 2016 hiding in my parent’s house and shutting myself off from a good life (HOPEFULLY). My next steps now are probably to get a job and beg the dean to let me stay in uni. We’ll see how they go. 😜 x

DAYS 27 TO 29 OF 30: PRETTY MELLOW

I really didn’t do anything I feel’s really worth writing about but, at the same time, I’d feel bad about skipping it too because I’m one of those idiots that are waaaayy too empathetic (I don’t know if that’s the word or not) to the point where you feel bad if you don’t give attention to/get rid of something that’s not even alive. You know, like when you don’t want to throw out your worn out shoes because you’d feel bad for doing that since you guys have a “connection” now or when you don’t want to just throw your old teddies away, you want to give them to a kid that’ll play with them but not so the kid will have something to play with. No, we’re not that caring. Pfft. It’s so you don’t feel like you’re betraying the teddies that once gave you so much joy by dumping them in the bin. You want to make sure they get a good home. Well, it’s like that except with this post, I don’t want to just skip over it like a forgotten child so let the jumble of words begin!

DAY 27

Whenever I don’t remember what I did on a certain day, I go on my phone to look at my online banking history and see what I spent on in that particular day and where (or, if I didn’t spend any money on that day, I look at the days around it to try and remember what I did in between) and this usually jogs my memory of what I’ve done. Like little dot points. And apparently I filled up on petrol on this day but, apparently, it’s also the only thing that I can remember doing. 😐 I actually have no idea what I did… Then again, it must’ve been pretty dull if my mind’s not willing to remember it so I guess we get to skip that at least. 😝

“Don’t worry about it” it said. “We’ll still remember it later” it said. This is why it’s a really bad idea to listen to my mind when it wants to procrastinate.

*10 minutes later*

Alright, I remember looking for USB’s for something but thinking that they were all so expensive. But that can’t have been the only thing I was doing then because I wouldn’t drive that far just for some USB’s. There was something else… BUT WHAT?!

DAY 28

Do you remember, about three (maybe?) weeks ago, when I was trying to decide on what colour bed sheets I wanted? I know, super exciting, right? 😒 Well, I finally just decided to have them black and white so I went out to get a white bed sheet set (and a black quilt cover thing + those black and white pillows with fancy designs but couldn’t find any) which then motivated me to actually clean my room which led to me actually finding a floor underneath all the junk that was once there.

Anyway, I’ve been trying to sleep earlier because I feel better when I can wake up earlier without being tired and this was the first time I would’ve slept in my room in ages (I kind of just casually migrated to the living room…). Yeah, WOULD’VE. I tried and then I got that unwelcomed reminder of why I migrated:

My younger sister’s really good when it comes to music. She’s an awesome singer and can learn instruments in no time at all. Really talented like that. But she has the absolute worst schedule of doing things. It’s not just with music but, for some reason (maybe she’s just going through that phase where she thinks, “Tbh, I don’t even need that much sleep. It’s just a waste of time.” We’ve all been through it or will go through it, don’t deny the inevitable), she likes to practice new songs until it’s like, 11 or 12 at night which just interferes so much with me when I’m trying to sleep earlier. Then, if you ask her to stop because you’re trying to get your 8 hours, she’ll stop. And then resume the next day. She’s that kind of a sibling. It’s great that she wants to continuously improve but STOP DOING THAT AT 11 AT NIGHT.

So I slept in my older sister’s room instead (she’s moved out but her room here’s like a spare) but I could still hear my younger sister playing the guitar and singing and that’s just not something I can sleep to. So I YouTubed some sleeping sounds thing that lasted about 8 hours, plugged my earphones in and actually fell asleep in like 2 minutes.

DAY 29

OMG that was actually the best sleep I’ve had in ages. I don’t know if it was because of that 8 hour YouTube video or because I was actually in a bed for the first time in forever (or both) but I swear to god, my dreams are so much more exciting than my real life… I just wish I could dream forever. 😭

Too bad I didn’t do that much today. Just kind of planned like the outline for tomorrow, helped around the house a little, sorted some things out and made a black pillow case for my bed from my old bed sheets. I would’ve done a whole lot more but the sewing machine kept stuffing up and I kept getting going all she-hulk about it so it was all just… bleh.

I was going to do something else today but, because I slept in so late and wouldn’t have gotten enough sleep if I’d woken up early enough, I just decided to do it on the last day of my 30 days instead. 😉 x

P.S. This reminds me though; I need to find a kid to give my teddies to. I just feel so bad for them collecting dust in my wardrobe. 😩

DAYS 25 AND 26 OF 30: JUST AN OBSERVATION + THE EMAIL

Don’t die wondering, walk across the room and say “hello”.

DAY 25

I went to the beach again (shock horror…) and I never really noticed this until now but, when you’re in the water as opposed to just lying on the beach and getting a tan or reading a book or whatever, people come up and talk to you more. Like, when you’re just lying on your towel, it’s like people don’t want to bother you or something. You know, like you have a “Do Not Disturb” sign above your head. 😂 But when you’re just wading in the water, doing whatever, you come off as one hundred times more approachable.

Seriously, this exact same thing has happened to me every time I’ve been in the water. Some other loner on the beach will be nearby, whether they’re just walking their dog or here for a swim too, and they’ll slowly start walking in your direction or they’ll throw the tennis ball near you so their dog runs over and then they have a reason to come over.

BUT, being the social butterfly that I am *cough cough*, whenever I spot them doing just this, I automatically walk out of the water and retreat back to my things because everyone that does this actually intimidates me so much. I have like this mini internal freak out whenever someone looks like they’re walking towards me and just like, run away… but in a walking motion because I don’t want to offend them by making it painfully obvious. And then I instantly regret it because I do want to talk to people, I DO. I’m just so painfully bad at talking to a lot of people that I avoid it! Then I end up wondering what we would’ve talked about, if we would’ve become friends or hung out afterwards, etc. But no. I never find out any of this because I run walk away from it.

And for all I know, they might not even be walking towards me to talk in the first place! Maybe the sand’s just too hot and they need to walk along the water where it’s cooler and it just looks like they’re walking towards me or something of the like and OMG STOP OVERTHINKING. Anyway…

I know this is beyond reading too much into it but this happened again today and when I retreated back to my things again, he stayed in the water in front of me for a while and just swam with his dog where I just was. And like, he had the WHOLE beach to find somewhere to swim (it was a quiet beach so there weren’t many people too and the beach went on for miles sooo…) so I was just thinking, “NOOO!! Why did you just do that again! WHY!! You could’ve met someone new! STOP RUNNING AWAY!”

So the next time I go to the beach, I am going to wade in that freaking water and go out of my way just to stay in that darn water (but, you know, just until I get bored of the water but I like it too much for that to happen). There will be no running away again. You glue your soul to that freaking part of the Earth and stay! YOU ARE GOING TO TALK TO SOMEONE NEW.

See; while everyone my age’s getting STD’s from each other, I’m still trying to get the hang of saying hi to people.

Long story short; wade in the water for conversation. This is something I can’t seem to do.

DAY 26

My sister and her friend wanted to go to the ice skating rink today so I took them there and then took mum out shopping and omg, I’m so stupid. Mum had put her cup of coffee in the trolley and I was pushing the trolley but accidentally pushed it too hard so the coffee tipped over. But, (and I don’t know why, but) instead of just turning the coffee back upright myself, I just kept pushing the trolley while waiting for mum to pick it up instead so I left this massive line of spilled coffee in the supermarket while people were just watching.

But I mean, my logic doesn’t even make sense!

I think it’s just that my first reaction was that mum was closer to it when, although she was, I could’ve just reached over and picked it up in a second but I think I kept on pushing the trolley too because I just wanted to get out of there as fast as I could and, with everyone watching and making me nervous, I wasn’t thinking properly. I was so embarrassed. That probably made me look like the biggest idiot. 😳

Also, It finally happened. I knew it would eventually but I’m surprised it took so long. Yeah, I wish it was good too but it’s not. I got my exclusion letter from uni (university). I’ve mentioned it really briefly on here in some other post yonks ago but I didn’t really do well last year (unless you count passing two out of eight courses as awesome 👌👎) because I was too scared to leave the house and really intimidated by people and all that.

So now I have to write a “show cause” letter back to them which is pretty much just explaining why it happened, why they should still keep me enrolled, what I’ve done to improve myself since then, etc. And any evidence to support/back up my claims. But I don’t know if they’ll believe me or not because I have no evidence saying I was housebound. Like, I have no doctors letters or anything like that since I didn’t go to them (you know, with the whole house bound thing going on) and I sure as hell am not asking my family to write a statement for supporting evidence because they’re not finding out about this. And, let’s be real, anyone can say they were too anxious to leave the house as an excuse so I have no idea if they’ll even take it into consideration as a legitimate excuse or just think I’m slacking off.

Alright, I’ll write the letter tomorrow and hopefully explain myself right because I really do want to get a degree. Night! x

DAYS 19 TO 24 OF 30: WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I ATTEMPT TO BUDGET

I could’ve written my life story and it would’ve been shorter than this… 😂😐

I know this is like a whole clump of days but I got really confused and mixed them up when I thought I was missing a day because numbers weren’t adding up and then I had to look back through everything aaand blah blah blah. But now that it’s sorted;

DAY 19

My younger sister and her friend wanted to go to this massive trampoline jumping place in the city so we (mum and I) drove them there, dropped them off and then went out to eat at some cute little restaurant and shop for a bit, though the only thing I bought was a notebook to start budgeting and just put random things in throughout the year (I like reflecting back on what past me did/thought/rambled about).

When we finally picked them up, we all went to a shopping center and just wandered around until dinner came around where we then met up with my older sister (she lives in the city but was working that day) and had dinner together before leaving for home.

Yeah, today wasn’t really that interesting for me either… It was more about doing what everyone else wanted to do and where they wanted to go just to let them enjoy themselves.

On the way back home though, it was late at night and we were on the highway so I couldn’t see as far ahead as usual since there weren’t any other cars and I was at a part where there were no street lights. Anyway, you don’t usually expect there to be something lying in the middle of the highway, let alone something massive. But there was. There was half a freaking kayak laying in the middle of the freaking road and, because I could only see as far as my headlights, I only saw the outline of it and thought it was just one of those massive palm tree/banana leaves or something like that (what an idiot, there weren’t even any of those trees close by) so I was like, “Alright, it’ll just crunch under the wheels but I’ll just go a bit to the side anyway.”

But as I got closer, I realised it wasn’t a massive leaf. It was half a freaking kayak and I swerved to the side but I could only swerve so far because there was a ditch on the side so I ended up going over the edge of the kayak which jolted it up against the car and now I have scratches all along the side. 😭 It sucks…

DAY 20

So, I know that I haven’t really been paying attention to how much I’ve been spending for the whole 30 days thing going on here but I’ve had an inkling that I’ve been spending a little more than I probably should’ve. Oh. My. Gobstopper. I recorded and added up everything that I’ve spent since Day 1 of 30 and, sweet cheese balls, I’ve been spending, on average, about $263 (in Australian Dollars) every week which is like $790 in almost 3 weeks which I’m pretty sure is already more than what I spent as a whole last year (yeah… last year, I felt really guilty about spending my money since I wasn’t working and because something else so I just didn’t).

I need to start spending less. And get a job.

Anyway, onto the day; I went out with a friend to a shopping center and just walked around looking at everything (BECAUSE I NEED TO MONEY DIET. NOT REALLY SURE WHY I CAPS LOCKED THIS BUT I THINK IT MIGHT BE KIND OF IMPORTANT)… which got boring pretty quickly. So we went back to her place, got her dog, changed into some swimmers and went to a dog beach nearby and then to this mini market afterwards where she bought some fudge and I… didn’t… I just tasted the free samples because I need to save…  😰

DAY 21

I mainly just spent the day with my head; designing the cover, writing random things in the notebook, including some clues, and watching Bob’s Burgers on Netflix.

See, I’m like… I’m a bit weird with some of the things that I like. Well, okay, not weird because that’s just mean. It’s more like; different from the majority/not the social norm. I really love treasure hunts and it’s “fine” for a kid but not considered that great for anyone that’s not a kid. It’s seen as childish basically and maybe I am childish but I love trying to figure out the clues you get given to figure it all out. I don’t know, I’m just a really curious person and the whole world’s just a massive playground that costs a bit more than just monopoly money.

GAH, stop rambling. So I left a few clues to a few things that no one in real life knows about, like; this blog, that fake name that I go by a lot (that’d probably lead them to other places and some other things. Though my family’s not really the type to put time into figuring these types of things out so we’ll see. I just like leaving little clues behind, you know? It just makes life that little bit more fun. 😄

After spending a whole day with pens to the notebook, mum and I went to pick dad up from the airport before we all ate out an Indian restaurant nearby. We had things like Mango chicken, Naan bread, some other type of chicken and… and that’s actually all I remember. 😐

DAY 22

I still have no idea why but my car’s engine oil needed changing (but it probably had something to do with the smoke coming from the engine and the sticker on the window saying to change the engine oil on the 16th of January 2016 💡) so dad did that for me while I tried to hide the scratches from that darn half a kayak and now my car looks so new! 😍 Apart from all those really deep scratches that I’m 99% sure were from when my sister drove it and not me. 99% sure.

Okay, I know I went somewhere after this because I remember going somewhere but I can’t actually remember where… hmm…

DAY 23

Dad’s like the biggest jet setter right now. We went to drop him off at the airport again because he was just with us for the holidays and then things started getting heated between mum and my younger sister. They were both SO moody and wanted to go to different places so I tried to compromise on both (holy cow, they were both as stubborn as mules today though I still love them) and we ended up going to one place first and then the other.

But wow, I wanted to go all Tumblr on them with the whole, “Guys, you have the rest of your lives to act like this towards each other and, even then, what’s the point? Enjoy the time you guys have together, you can go places any other day.” and so on but that would’ve just made the intended audience a whole lot angrier so I just thought to not.

DAY 24

I CAN’T BUDGET!! I went out for one thing today and one thing only but ended up getting like six things instead. But, in my defense (even though it’s not really that defensive…) they were all for other people. It’s just that… like… well there was a closing down sale. FOR JEWELLERY. 60% off MINIMUM. How could you pass up on that? So I bought presents for everyone (except I have no idea what dad would’ve wanted).

So I spent about $120 on getting jewellery for my family as presents. A (don’t know what type of) gold bracelet for my older sister, a gold (only 9 carrat though) necklace with small diamonds and a pearl for mum and a Pandora charm (black and silver) + a silver bracelet for my younger sister. Though I still don’t know which bracelet should go to who. I’m still deciding for now so it’s not final.

Then two more (waaay cheaper) things for my younger sister’s birthday (even though it isn’t until June). See! I suck at saving on money! I need someone to actually hold it for me so I don’t have access to it. But, then again, what’s the point of having money if you don’t spend it… No! I’m saving up until I’m able to get a job so I can move out. Yeah. There’s my reason. Ugh, but I just love shopping and buying pretty things. 😭

I’M SORRY IT’S SO LONG AGAIN!

DAYS 16 TO 18 OF 30: FAMILY TREES • BIRTHDAYS • RED LIGHTS

DAY 16

We didn’t really do much today. Just went out for a bit with mum and dad while we bought some things for them.

But do you ever wonder about your ancestors and where they came from/what they did? What kind of people they were? Well I do. All the freaking time. Except my parents were never really interested in giving me details because they were always preoccupied with other things so I never really got much information out of them. But I tried again today and got a lot more than I have in 5 years.

So I wrote it all down and there’s so many different jobs they all had. There’s a plantation owner, a businessman, a carpenter, a salesman, a waitress, the typical housewives, etc. There’s even a tribe chief (though that’s the one our cousin told us about a few years ago)!

But what I really want to see too are any pictures of them. I just want to see what they all looked like and the resemblances. Maybe I’ll ask the next time we go to visit some relatives. Ahh, I just find it all so interesting! 😆

DAY 17

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUM! 🎂

We went out for coffee, bought her some new clothes, pretty much following her around for the day and then went out for dinner at a local restaurant.

I feel like I should probably write more because it’s mum’s special day but like… I just don’t know what to write. There wasn’t that much that happened today to be honest so… happy birthday again, mum! Love you. 💕

DAY 18

I woke up early and went to the same boardwalk from day 1 again (except further down this time), went out to get some last minute things for dad and then dropped him off at the airport but oh my sweet beans… On the way back, I did the stupidest thing and ran a red light and I’ve been feeling so bad about it ever since! I don’t mean like I’m-such-a-rebel bad, I mean like I-COULD’VE-HURT-SOMEONE bad. I’ve just been so tired lately and haven’t been getting enough sleep and I guess it’s finally caught up.

What happened was when I saw the traffic lights, they were green so I sped up a little so I could get through. But then the amber light came on and I wrongly estimated how long it’d stay amber for and when I realised I wouldn’t make it, I also realised that if I break now, I’d stop in the middle off the intersection because I was too close to the stop line to stop in time and ended up speeding up so I could get through as fast as I could to avoid other cars.

I’m not sure if the other cars had stopped because they saw my headlights coming up really fast (there’s a wall blocking the view so it’s hard to see if there are oncoming cars or not but you can see their headlights at night) or if they just hadn’t started driving yet (because I went through about a second after the lights changed to red) but, thankfully, no one was hurt because none of the other cars were moving.

But I can’t believe I did that! I need to go to bed earlier.

DAYS 13 TO 15 OF 30: NATURE AND A BIT OF ART

No, this isn’t a Chanel ad; I just love Megan Hess’ art… And Chanel. Please buy me some Chanel.

DAY 13:

I left for the waterfalls/hike a bit early just so I could get in before all the tourists and families swarmed in since it’s still holiday season here. Well, when I got there, there were only two cars (an old couple’s and some guy’s). It only took about 5-10 minutes to walk to the waterfalls but as I got to it, I noticed clothes and towels on the rocks but no one else was around so I thought, “Oh my jebus, someone’s bumping uglies in the water!” 😄 but couldn’t see anyone and knew it wasn’t the couple or the other guy because I’d passed them both before.

But I kept on going and hiked through the bush track for about an hour. My goal was just to get to the end of the track because apparently there was a lookout point at the end of it but after about 7.5 km of walking, I was like fudge it. There were so many spiderwebs you had to walk through (I’m pretty sure one got in my eye 😒), the weather was starting to get hotter and I still had about 3 km to go. Just wasn’t worth it so I headed back and cooled off at the waterfall for a bit (where the clothes were still there…) which was actually a really nice view. Not the waterfall, that just looked like dirt water, but the view from the mountain edge.

So, all in all, I got about 14-15 km worth of exercise done which was a pretty awesome effort for someone that would’ve probably taken a month to walk that far… 🙌🏽 No offense to self.

DAY 14:

AND NOW MY LEGS HATE ME.

Nevertheless, this beautiful experience did teach me one thing; how to waddle with class. Yes. I adapted to waddling around because my legs apparently didn’t like the hike I went on yesterday and felt the need to retaliate. But you know what they say; no pain no game!

Since I couldn’t really walk far without wincing, I just kind of decided to practice (if you can call it that) some defense moves instead of going places though it’s kind of hard to learn how to do it properly when you’re just kicking, punching and dodging the freaking air. 😐 Honestly, I need a fight buddy… a sparring partner or whatever they call it.

Later on though, the book I saw in the art gallery the other day; Coco Chanel: The Illustrated World of Fashion came back to mind (because I really really wanted it!) so I did a whole bunch of Googling on it and found all this other art that the author does and I really love her style so I decided to try and mimic some of her work (just the simple ones to start off with) like;

These are the kinds of things that make me fall into a state of absolute awe! I used to love sketching these types of pictures back in high school but eventually stopped because I took the more science-y and tech path of school when people started telling me that I needed to start thinking about what I was going to do after high school. So yay for the lost and found hobby I guess? 😜 Plus, people in the artsy/fashion classes really intimidated me back then even though they were some of the nicest people ever…

DAY 15

I finally got a haircut. Like a proper one. I haven’t had a proper haircut in over a year because I didn’t want to spend my money (I used to feel really guilty about spending it) on something that I could “easily” do myself. And it was partly to do with the whole not wanting to leave the house thing too. I use the word easily really loosely because; sure, just get a pair of scissors, wet your hair and trim a bit off; it’s that easy, yeah? Um, no. But that’s what I did and, while everyone probably thought it was really bad, it didn’t stop me from doing it again until I finally stopped settling for “it’s okay” and realised how much I hated my fringe…

So I went out to get a haircut; V down the back, layers and a long-ish side fringe and it was great and all. Except I asked her to cut “this” much off for the length and she cut “thiiiiiiiiiisss” much off and now I have like… nana hair. Not that there’s anything wrong with that style; it just doesn’t suit me. But I didn’t want to say anything about it because she obviously tried and I didn’t want her to feel bad so I just told her that it was perfect and all that happy shit. Anyway, it’ll grow. And if I just keep facing everyone with my head turned slightly to the left for the next month or so, I should be good. 😗 But OMG, it has so much volume now, I love it (the volume)! It used to be so flat but now it’s like, “just having a party on your head”.

While I was walking around the shops, I bumped into S (one of the girls I spent New Years with) who was with her boyfriend that she was supposedly taking a break from and I was thinking “so are they together or…?” but that’s not for me to pry into. After the haircut, I went to the beach (I would literally live out my days there and become a mermaid if I could) for a small walk and to get rid of this tan line I found that goes straight down the back of both legs that I didn’t notice before.

I SWEAR, every time I go to the beach, I see the EXACT same guy there and I’m 99% sure it’s him every time. Some guy in his 50’s with really tanned skin and long blonde hair. Just think of a surfer and then add on about 30-40 years, pair of sunnies, take away the surfboard and that’s what he looks like. I started recognising him about two months ago but I think he’s just recently started recognising me because he didn’t start looking back at me until just recently; he’d usually just walk straight past so I’m pretty sure he’s like “waaaiiittt a second…”

Yeah, those were pretty much my days and I feel like I’m missing something in this drivel of words but I can’t put my finger on it… But oh well. Alright, night (or morning). x

P.S. I swear it was only going to be like 200 words for each day; max. 😳 I don’t know how you people just get straight to the point with what you want to say.

DAY 12 OF 30: ART GALLERY • MUSEUM

I know this is a little late but;

I think the petrol station clerk might’ve been laughing at me before I walked in because of how clueless I looked… 😳 Haha, the petrol stations here (not sure if they have it in other countries) have a part on the fuel dispensers where you can pay by card for when the actual store’s closed so that way you can still fill up on petrol. I went to fill my car up early (like really early) in the morning but I wasn’t sure if the actual store was opened or not since I couldn’t see inside to see if anyone was working or not (they had those one sided viewing screens on the windows) and I was the first person there so I couldn’t wait to see what the other guy (who was filling up his car too) was going to do. 😳 So I tried to pay by card at the actual fuel dispenser but it wasn’t working and I was thinking, “…WTF am I doing wrong?” and just looked around cluelessly.

But I wasn’t thinking… because then I realised something and was like, “You’re such an idiot. If there’s sale stock set up outside then they’re obviously opened… They’re not going to just leave things outside for people to steal while they’re closed you moron.” Massive face palm. So yeah, pretty sure I gave the store clerk a good laugh while he was looking through the one sided screens because, when I walked in, he had this pitying grin on his face but didn’t say anything. Haha, it’s not something I’d get mad about though.

But back to the main story; My parents weren’t doing anything this day so they asked if I could drop them off at Chinatown on the way since it’s in the city as well (and saves on petrol) so of course I said sure.

Well, when we got to Chinatown, I dropped them off (duh) and went on my way to the museum that was only 11 minutes away (according to the GPS). LMAO I can’t even follow a freaking GPS. It took me like half an hour to get to it because I’m just that good at finding my way in new places. But I eventually did and it was $15 to park and the rest of the day was for free (unless you bought food and things from their stores or paid for the extra museum places).

There were dinosaur exhibits, places for history buffs, an animals galore, etc with some interactive stuff. I tried to channel my inner tourist and take a million and one photos (as one does) but my phone’s camera failed on me… for the hundredth time 😭 and I couldn’t get it to start working again. So I was looking around for about two hours and then decided to head over to the art gallery (which is like right next to it).

But the reason I headed over was so stupid. I mean, I did want to go and see all the artwork eventually but I hadn’t finished looking through the museum yet. The reason I headed over to the art gallery when I did was because, when I was going around the museum, I did a second round because I kind of rushed looking at everything the first time round and skipped over a few parts (I was a little overwhelmed with all the new things and so many people) and got all awkward again. During this second round, I kept on noticing this same guy that was looking at the same sections as me and they were noticing me and (being the irrational one) I thought that there might be a chance where they thought I was following/stalking them around the museum when we just happened to be doing the same route. So when I got to the dinosaur section and they were there, we noticed each other again and I just… I bolted. Bolted straight to the art gallery. 😒 See! I’m so socially awkward that even I don’t understand! WHY! I could’ve made a new friend or just gone about the museum, touristing through for all we know but nooooo… 😑

So yeah, I headed off to the art gallery where there were some interesting things, some not so interesting things and some things I couldn’t really comprehend… But there was a bookstore in there where I spent some time looking around and I found this awesome book about Coco Chanel full of art by Megan Hess (first time I’d heard of her) but it cost too much to buy without guilt so I cried on the inside and walked away; something we all do when we look at price tags of something we love. 😄

Yep, eventually I went back to the museum and finished off awing at everything and then went to pick up my parents. Well no, I got lost int eh car park (who the hell gets lost in a freaking car park) and then I got lost again for about half an hour until I found a place to pick up my parents. I’m telling you now, this whole following directions thing is my calling. It’s what I was born to do.

But it was so interesting and you learn all this cool stuff (err… depending on what you think cool is)! Plus, lots of random strangers talk to you, especially if you’re alone, because you have that common ground of whatever you’re looking at. I’d definitely go again. Seriously, ask me anything from dinosaurs to Australia’s history and I’ll hit you right back. Well with a 50/50 chance of being right… It’s a working progress okay. 😛 No, you know what? Ask me how a turtle’s gender’s determined before it hatches and I’ll give you the right answer 100% of the time. There you go.

Day 12. x

DAY 10 AND 11 OF 30: OUT AND ABOUT

Lately, I’ve felt like I’ve been forcing myself to post instead of letting it be a fun thing to do, something to enjoy and look forward to (which is what I originally started blogging for + to get things off my chest) so I’m just going to post whenever  I feel like it again; something I probably should’ve stuck with in the first place but you learn something new everyday! Or re-learn…?

With all that piece of mumbo jumbo done;

DAY 10

Yesterday I didn’t know what to do and I didn’t want to sit at home all day in the rainfall that decided to descend upon us so I took a spontaneous trip to the city (not realising how much fuel it used up 😭 RIP fuel spendings) to get some new shoes and a bag since there’s only about a billion more places in the city than there are here. Oh my lord, there were so many sales! My knees were like jelly but I contained myself and only spent a bit of money for what I got… depending on what a bit of money is to you. 😳 Though, to be fair, that was money I earned when I had a part time job back in high school and have been saving ever since so it’s not that bad, right? Right?

I bought things like a pair of cheap running shoes, cheap clothes, cheap black bikini bottoms, a candle for my sister’s birthday because she’s a sucker for them apparently, etc. You get the point; I tried to stay on the cheaper but quality side of things.

But at least now I won’t be shopping for more clothes anytime soon…

DAY 11

I just went to the beach today because the sun was out… and now I’m sunburnt. No matter though because I have coconut oil and coconut oil fixes everything. Your skin, your hair, your bad job, your annoying in-laws; everything. Just pour it over your whole life and you’ll be spreading your wings and flying. Anyway, It’s only like the slightest sunburn, not as bad as last time’s since I was only there for an hour but I don’t even understand it anymore! I used to be able to go out all day when I was younger and not burn a bit. Now when I go out, I burn within like an hour. I don’t know why! My theory’s that it’s because I spent majority of last year hidden from sunlight and that’s just what my skin’s gotten used to or something like that but there’s probably some really scientific thing behind it that I have yet to hear.

But yeah, while I was there (and not there), I was singing along to the radio thinking of all the places someone could go solo at and enjoy without it looking feeling weird about being alone.

So tomorrow, I’m thinking of either running along this waterfall track that’s apparently a really popular route, museum hopping in the city or staying here and teaching myself some Krav Maga (via sensei YouTube). Though it’d probably be one of the first two since my sister’s having a friend over and it’s a little weird when people catch you flailing your arms around everywhere. Plus, I should probably write up a resumè because I have no idea where I saved my other one… So yeah, museum jumping or waterfall track tomorrow? Or maybe both?

That’s literally all I can think of for now but ideas are always welcome! But, you know, where I don’t have to spend a life’s savings worth of money.. x

P.S. I have no idea why that’s the feature image since there’s not meant to be one? This makes me feel like such an old fart right now… not knowing… like when your parents or grandparents ask how to get the “page where you can type” onto the screen. 😄

DAY 9 OF 30: AVOIDING AGAIN

Do you ever find yourself avoiding those one or two (or a few) places because you know that people you know either work there, go there, study there and so on? You know, maybe it’s someone from high school that you don’t want to bump into again or maybe it’s someone that annoys you but you’re too nice to tell them you don’t want to hang out on Thursday night, etc. Well I’m avoiding certain places again and I don’t know why. I just don’t want to see certain people again but I don’t know why! I just stop myself!

I went out with mum and dad this morning to replace the tire that somehow magically tore yesterday 😕 and then we went out for coffee and donuts while we waited for the replacement (well they went out for coffee and donuts, I kind of just went along with them). But while we were there, dad asked me to buy something for him but I wouldn’t go to the place because of two people I know/knew that work there (that guy from the other day where I tried to not make eye contact with then did… and his friend), so we went back and forth with the “go”, “no”, “go”, “no” until I remembered the other store that sold it and went there instead. It’s not even that I was on bad terms with that certain someone or anything like that, I just don’t want to bump into all these people from my past.

But it didn’t stop just there! My sister, dad and I went to buy a photo scanner and a few more of their things this afternoon and THERE WAS SOMEONE ELSE FROM HIGH SCHOOL. I have no idea if she saw me but when I saw her, instead just being all normal and giving a wave or whatever, I ducked straight into the closest aisle. Like, WHY!! Just stay cool, it’s not even that hard! It’s like my fight or flight function that we all have’s just completely broken. WHY!!

Afterwards, I went out (again, I’m so surprised I still have fuel in my car) to get some ingredients for my family, for dinner, and bumped into an old family friend who only knew me as mum’s daughter… though, to be fair, I didn’t exactly know his. I swear, most people only recognise me as                 ‘s daughter/sister/niece/cousin/friend/old classmate/ex-bestfriend’s dog’s distant relative’s pet human’s godfather. The life of a middle child; recognised through others but forgotten as an individual. 😒 Haha, though I guess that’s better than not knowing me at all.

Anyway, I feel like I’m just going through the motions now. Nothing new, just making the days pass again. I want to go on fun/exciting adventures and do things like go stand up paddle boarding, sky-diving, get a job, meet more people, climb up “do not climb” buildings and sneak into places, explore different areas and hidden gems, do volunteer work and help around, get some innocent revenge on a few people, go water skiing, learn how to fight/defend and all that! I want it to be exciting but I don’t know how to make it exciting and I’m not game enough to do most of it alone or at least yet because it just sucks when you have no one to share moments with or when you don’t have the right people to give you that little push. And I know that you shouldn’t rely on people for these kinds of things but… I’m just still trying to grow. Sorry, that was a weird ramble. This whole thing is.. whoops.

But my god, the humidity here’s killing me. 😭 I’m sorry (OMG why do I say sorry so much!!), I’m just tired so a lot of this probably doesn’t make much sense. Night! x

DAY 8 OF 30: THE FIRST TIRE PUNCTURE

It’s not that I’m a bad driver, even though my family probably thinks that that’s debatable, I’m just not a great one either. 😥 I mean, I haven’t crashed the car, hurt anyone from driving (maybe just scared my parents at most when I was learning but what kid didn’t 😄) and usually follow the rules but when I was driving to our relatives’ place today, I kind of, like… well I may have accidentally ripped one of the front tires while I was driving…

Yeah okay, that was my fault. I was tired, I’d been driving for a while and I was new to the roads we were driving on so I should’ve been more careful. I was driving on this narrow road when a car turned in, going the other way and when we got closer, I felt like we were going to scratch each other’s cars at the very least so I merged a little to my side more. OMG what a horrible idea. The car went slightly onto the curb on the side then landed back in the gutter part with a loud bang. Being the smart one that I am, I honestly thought it was fine and kept on driving buuutt about 2 seconds later, we realised I’d just torn a tire.

On the plus side though, I learnt how to change a tire so there’s that! 😁 Thank god dad was there, haha. But yeah, I need to fix my sleeping schedule so I actually get enough Z’s every night since it’s a major part of me being too tired to go through with things and not focusing enough.

The rest of the day was spent jumping on a trampoline, playing superheroes with my little cousin (you call me Superman according to her 😎), teaching her how to spell, wondering how kids have so much energy inside such small bodies (where does it all come from!?!) proving to my aunt that I’m not as bad a driver as dad likes to say and fawning over the baby cousin. I just love babies! They’re so cute! Can you believe he voluntarily hugged me! He just ran over and hugged me! More than once! I was like;

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God, they make me wish I was a kid again. Where your biggest problem was not stepping on a crack to avoid breaking your mother’s back.

But I’ve realised that, while I’ve stepped out of my comfort zone from a week ago, I’ve created this slightly bigger comfort zone that I’m now too afraid of stepping out of…again. Like, I can do more things on my own now but I feel like it’s starting to get to the point where I’m just staying in that comfort zone where I just think but don’t do because it’s like a whole new level of things. It’s like you finally get comfortable with something and then settle for it because you’re too afraid to see what’d happen if you went even further.

But I don’t want to fall back into old habits so we’ll see how I go with that tomorrow. I just wish I had someone in real life to kind of be my partner in crime along the way since it’s a lot more exciting and fun when you have someone to do it with. Right now though, I need to get this whole sleep schedule thing going. Good night (or morning/afternoon/evening if you’re in some other place of the world)! x