DAY 4 OF 30: PREPPING FOR A NIGHT OUT

Today was basically just prepping to go out tomorrow night since going out to clubs hasn’t really been a thing that I do (like ever) so, naturally, I’m going a little overboard to make sure I don’t come off as a complete dork in real life when it comes to clubbing. I just like to be prepared!

Anyway, in this world, there are two kinds of people (minus all the other kinds 😝); people that look good pale… and people that don’t. Not that looks should matter but I fall into the don’t part. Some people can make pale look like the most beautiful thing in the world, it’s like they’re freaking angels, but that’s not me. I’m one of those people that look sick if I’m pale.

So, this morning, I got ready to go out and kill some skin cells at the beach but as I was leaving the house; BAM. A wild flock of dark clouds appear and kill off mother nature’s tanning salon. I swear, one minute it’ll be gushing down rain and the next you’ll have clear skies until you want to go out again. Ahh, nature.

Instead, I decided to go shopping first and try the beach again later if the weather lightened up. So I went and bought a pair of heels and a top for New Years Eve (new clothes!!). I wanted to get two more helix piercings while I was there too, one on each side of the one I have now, but I didn’t have any ID on me at the time unless I wanted to walk all the way back to the car but then I would’ve lost a lot of time doing that (big shopping center/mall) and I wasn’t about to sprint in front of 1000 people. 😄

But by the time I’d finished walking into every clothing store at least twice or thrice, the sun had come back out so I headed to the beach for some much needed Vitamin D except IT WAS HORRIBLE. THE BEACH WAS HORRIBLE. Don’t get me wrong, I love the beach. I just don’t love it when the sand’s hitting into you at 100 km/h because of how windy it is. Though, I did get to see my fair share of shirtless guys. Not that it’s important but… yeah… 😳

NO SHAME! *Snaps fingers in Z formation*

So now I have a top, shoes and am slightly tanner. Not sure what else I need to do. No actually I should probably find some pants or a skirt to wear with them… eh probably. 😜 I’m kidding, I’m not that confident yet.

The rest of the day was even lamer, really. I just picked up my sister and went to get an exhaust fan from a hardware store with mum and dad. Their catalogs though! I honestly would’ve left that place with about 50 of their catalogs if I wasn’t so afraid of what people would’ve thought. It was like they had one every 5 steps!

Anyway, there’s day 4. Pretty dull day, I know, but better than me just browsing YouTube all day. Here’s hoping that New Years Eve is more exciting. And Happy 2016 to everyone if I’m not on in time! 😁 x

DAY 3 OF 30: WANDERING AROUND TOWN

This day actually started off pretty bland. I was… I was attempting to colour coordinate at a home depot store. Yeah… It was frustrating in a really pitiful way. I’ve been wanting new bed sheets and pillow cases since forever but pretty matching colours, you know? Yet I’m SO indecisive!

Originally, I wanted a white, black and red set because that’s what I was going for in my room (about a year or two ago). But then I quickly changed my mind to white and red. Then red and creamy-beige. Then red, white and a creamy-beige. Then white and creamy-beige. And I just kept on walking back and forth between the shelves of rainbows until I finally decided; nope. This isn’t working out. I have too many choices, not enough beds. Just walk away before you end up spending the rest of your life in here! So I basically wasted about half an hour trying to imagine all these colours together in a bed formation and ended up just buying two cans of black spray paint from the place a few shops down. You’ll find out why next year. Maybe. 😜

Anyway, that was literally going to be it for the day since the weather’s still not the best. Exciting! I know! But then someone called to hang out and, while I usually avoid this person just because of reasons that I might confess to later, I thought I should give it a go again. I’m just trying to say yes more to things and it’s not like they ever mean to do things purposely.

So I said sure and we basically just wandered around town for about 3 hours. First, we went to this popular part of town (along the main beach from day #1) but since it’s the holidays, the roads and parking spaces were practically packed like sardines which meant that we ended up parking about 5 minutes away and walking the rest instead. I can tell you one thing right now; fitness is not my forte. We pretty much just looked at clothes that were too expensive, looked for cheap smoothies to quench our thirst from the humidity, caught up and talked about nonsense until we got sick of how freaking crowded it was and decided to go somewhere else to get our smoothies instead.

While we were walking back to her car though, it started raining down on us so we ran to her car in the most inelegant way possible (If the people that’d passed by us in cars were laughing at us, I wouldn’t have blamed them. We weren’t exactly the most graceful runners). Usually I wouldn’t care about getting caught in the rain… buuuutt our phones were with us and I wasn’t sure if I still had any mascara on from yesterday or not. IT WASN’T WATER PROOF OKAY.

Anyway, we continued on our journey for somewhere less crowded that sold good smoothies which took us to the riverside before fainting from the prices of the smoothies there and went back to the main shopping center around here instead; the place I was at this morning. You know, endlessly colour coordinating in the depot section. Yes! That one!

By the time we got there, I wasn’t thirsty anymore but she was so we went into the grocery store to get her a drink and OMG it’s like I instantly reverted back into high school mode. There was a guy that worked there who we went to high school with (I was really shy and quiet and probably came off as standoffish in high school so that’s what quite a few know me by) and pretty much what went through my head was this, “Don’t make eye contact. Don’t make eye contact. Don’t make eye contact. F***, I made eye contact. Quick, run into an aisle!” when all I really wanted to do was give him a quick smile if we did make eye contact! I’m trying to be a more welcoming person but I keep resorting back to my old ways! I’m not even sure why I overthink these things though. Honestly, he was probably just like, “Oh look, it’s Xisha … I hate my job.” I just make every situation uncomfortable!

Moving on though; for the rest of the day, we pretty much just walked around all the stores and made plans for things and now I’m going out on New Years Eve with her and another girl! Which is something I’ve been avoiding this whole year because they both love going out clubbing but I like… don’t. I don’t really think I’m the clubbing type but I’ve never actually been either because just the idea of it scares me. Like, what should I wear? How much should I drink? What should I drink!? What am I supposed to do there?! How am I supposed to act!?! What if my high heels aren’t for the occasion!? Am I even supposed to wear high heels?! Wait, are you supposed to dance in heels?! Omg, I need to practice. The list goes on.

But new start, new me. 🙌 If I put it off now, I’ll just put it off again later so hello New Years celebrations and hopefully a confidence streak that turns into life! I just hope they don’t lose me when we’re out… Well, it’s 1am now so… night guys. x

Day three: done! ✅

God, I always end up writing such long essays! 😬

P.S. Yes, my arms hurt from yesterday…

DAY 2 OF 30: KNIFE THROWING AMATEUR

I’ll admit, I’m like a massive ninja wannabe. Like, how could you not be with all the stunts they pull off and weapons they seem to take out from the pockets that they don’t even have! I’m kidding, if you don’t aspire to be one then that’s fine… I just can’t be seen out with you anymore. 😝 My hobby, as the title really subtly hints at, has to do with that. It’s like one of those secret hobbies that you just keep to yourself because you know how weird unique it is; knife throwing. I don’t mean randomly throwing at anything but having a[n] -inanimate- target to aim at.

It just makes me feel more confident knowing that I can take better care of myself (not that I’d ever carry any kind of weapon around with me… except for heels and maybe a Nokia phone). I used to have a set of normal knives that I practiced with but, about two years ago, I hid them from my family so well that I haven’t been able to find them ever since. You know you’re good at hiding things when even you can’t find them. Haha, no. It just means you have a shit memory. đŸ˜©

So today I went out and bought another pack of cheap steak knives (I’m almost fully sane, don’t worry) and tried to find a few random things that’d been on my mind for some time. I wanted to look at the clothes too but I didn’t want to bump into certain people so I just got what I went for and left the clothes for another day.

But when I got home, I was locked outside because I didn’t have a key (lost it) and didn’t really think that bit through… I’ll collect my Nobel Prize later, thanks. My mind assumed that mum and dad would be home by the time I got back but boy was I wrong. Wrong by like, 3-4 hours. Since I had nothing to do, I decided to start practicing in the backyard because I still had the wooden target that I’d made some years ago.

At first, I was hopelessly missing. Seriously, my mind was aiming for the target but my arms were like, “Lol, nope!” But after what felt like half an hour, I was hitting the target most of the time. It’s just that the knives were flinging off the target because whenever I was throwing them, they’d spin and I didn’t know how to stop the spin so they’d hit the target board but fling right off because they were either hitting into the target with the handle part of the knives or, if the sharp bit of the knives hit the target, the knives would still have the spinning momentum after impact (maybe I just wasn’t throwing hard enough?), sending it straight off in the spin’s direction and onto the ground. Not sure if that made sense.

So I consulted Youtube (and read some online gossip). Yeah, I was holding and throwing all wrong. There was the whole thing with your index or middle finger gliding along the handle, the flick of the wrist, etc.

Plus, I eventually moved the target aside and used certain leaves on the ground to aim at instead because the impact of the knives on the board kept making loud bang noises and I didn’t want to annoy the neighbours. But it was kind of good anyway because they were smaller targets which meant more of a challenge.

I still can’t do no spin throws though because it’s hard getting used to! But I suppose that’s what practice is for. I just want to be a ninja already! Is that really too much to ask? 😭

There’s day two! I was going to wake up at like 3 tomorrow morning and climb onto the roof of some random buildings to watch the sunrise from (I don’t know why, just for the parkour side I guess) but, right now, the weather here’s so bad… so maybe another day. x

I’m sorry! I keep rambling so much and I feel the need to apologise for it! Sorry… 😖

P.S. Tomorrow, I’m so going to regret not stretching my arms out before throwing at the targets.

DAY 1 OF 30: A KISS FOR A STRANGER

Guys, I kissed a boy! 😆 On the cheek. 😐 Lol, it’s not actually that exciting, let me explain (in ramble form apparently):

In my last post, I had like this whole list of new years resolutions that I wanted to do and it included things like getting back my confidence, socialising more, getting a job, exploring new places and all that. So I started thinking about it more and most of the list’s actually just based on me being too scared to leave the house, even though I loved going out. But now that I finally have a car (GUYS I FINALLY HAVE A CAR! #forevergettingmysister’shandmedowns 😜) I’m a bit more confident in going out already since part of the fear was having no transport of my own (I freak out about public transport for a few reasons and I’m not really comfortable with asking for mum and dad’s van… for a few reasons).

I didn’t want to waste this confidence boost while it was/is still fresh so I decided to give myself a thirty day challenge, just to help me improve my confidence since my lack of confidence has to do with me letting myself hide away at home for the past year and letting myself believe all these lies that’d filled my head.

So for thirty days I’ll go out somewhere, anywhere, and kind of start working on my new years resolutions just to slowly get myself used to going out again and to prove to myself that it’s not actually as bad as my mind makes it out to be. And just so I, hopefully, don’t revert back to being a recluse. I know it sounds stupid and it’s pretty much nothing to some people but I just want to build myself back up at my own -turtlely- pace, no rush. Everyday for thirty days; starting with today’s!

DAY ONE:

So, last night I decided that I’d wake up, brush my teeth and leave the house at around 5-5:30 in the morning since it feels like the calmest part of the day and I’m just getting used to going out again. Originally, I was just going to drive down to the beach behind our house and walk along it with dad since there aren’t many people there but then he convinced me last minute to go to the main beach around here which I was slightly petrified of because of how many people there’d be but it ended up actually being a really good idea! 😃

Dad said he wanted to go swimming but I just wanted to walk so we said we’d meet up with each other in about half an hour and I walked off down the path while he went towards the water. I had my music on and both earphones in to block everyone out in case someone wanted to say something stupid to me (defense mechanism?). But then I realised I actually did want to talk to people and I need to eventually learn to deal with those types better so I took one earphone out and kept the other one in.

About 5 minutes into my walk, there were these two loud and intimidating guys up ahead with beers in their hands and I was like “Ugh, here we go… ” because I thought they were going to cuss at me or something (I don’t really have good experiences with guys like that) since I could see them talking about me. Surprisingly (surprisingly for me), when I got closer, the first guy smiled and said hey, so I smiled and said hey back but kept my pace. Then his friend reached his arm out in front of me to stop me and I thought he said “hold” so I was like, “Huh?” because I was genuinely confused. So he asked for a hug again and I was like “Ooohhh” and said sure and gave him a hug (guy smelt nice, lol 😆) and then he asked if he could have a kiss too but I -panicked on the inside because I’m that awkward and- said, “Sorry but maybe the next girl might.” Then kept walking because I thought it was a dare between them or something.

I went all the way to the rocks, sat on them for a bit to just watch the surfers, paddle-boarders, jet-skiers and swimmers (and I saw a dolphin!!). After that, my half an hour was almost up so I walked back to where I’d meet dad.

While I was looking for him along the beach, I didn’t realise the two guys from before were up ahead because I was so focused on finding dad and I’m honestly just really bad with remembering faces. They said hi again and I said hi back while I was walking to the car (because I’d lost dad and thought he might be there! It was like being 12 in a supermarket all over again!) and the first guy asked for a hug since he didn’t get one the first time so I walked back and gave him one (also smelt nice 😉). Then the second one asked for another and when I went for a hug he picked me up instead and I was like; *awkward laughter*. Then he asked for a kiss again but on the cheek instead since I wouldn’t give a proper one so I let him get a cheek kiss and they turned out to be really nice guys, saying Merry belated-Christmas and all that.

Then I found dad. Turned out he was only about 10m away from me the whole time I was looking… Haha, I don’t know if those two guys were just having a bet between them of who could get the most kisses from girls, if it was just to boost their man egos or whatever (probably was to be honest) but thanks for being so nice to me, even if it was just for a game and even if you were both just slightly drunk. As long as you’re not a dick about it, I won’t mind because it puts me more at ease seeing firsthand how nice people are. 😄 And thanks dad for convincing me to go to the main beach instead. It really helped.

Day one complete. This was an awesome start to the 30 days. 😎 x

DO A WHOLE YEAR OF NOTHING: âœ…

Awesome. Now I can tick that off my list of 101 ways to waste your life. 😒

For pretty much the whole of 2015, I’ve done nothing but browse the internet from the comfort of my house; my comfort zone. Technically, I’ve been enrolled in uni buuuuuut that didn’t really work out… Like, I’ve been to the beach, out with family, to buy food, out with “friends” and so on probably a handful of times each but, for the most part, I’ve just been scouring the internet and “living” through a screen or two… or three. It’s not that I’m lazy and don’t want to go out (okay, that’s a lie; I’m a little lazier than average) but more that I’m… really hesitant of bumping into certain people when I go out. I mean, it got so bad at one point that I didn’t leave the house for two months straight before I realised what a recluse I’d become.

But I know that thinking like this’ just stupid and I need to get my shit together. I want to. Plus, staying at home all day and just browsing the web is kind of really insanely boring after the first week. Especially when all you want to do is go out and chase your dreams. I want to be apart of society again and contribute to things because it feels good knowing that I’m helping somehow but I can’t do that when I just hide away at home.

So, in honor of the end of one year and the start of another (and because it’s a good superficial excuse)… NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS!! 😁 I would’ve done this at the end of last year but I just wasn’t in a great place (head-wise) and wasn’t thinking straight. Anyway:

  • Get a job
  • Learn to fight/defend yourself
  • Explore some new places
  • Regain your confidence
  • Start socialising more and make new friends
  • Finish off the mini projects you started 😉
  • Update your wardrobe
  • Enjoy your life!!
  • Start doing parkour
  • Get yourself ready to move out
  • Become minimalistic (but don’t go overboard)

2015 was the year I completely spiraled down because of certain things that’d happened and I just couldn’t cope anymore but I’ve had this whole year to -attempt to- clean up the anxious mess that tornado-ed on in my head (yeah, my avoidance and procrastination’s pretty high; get on my level). Life goes on and moments become nothing more than memories so make them good ones for both yourself and the people around you.

Bring on 2016! 😜