JUST TO CLARIFY: There is NOTHING wrong with being lesbian. I just had to make that clear. And this post goes for guys as well. I was just relaying from my thoughts and experiences when I was madly typing everything out. Okay, let’s go.
“So you’ve never had a boyfriend before?!? Oh… are you lesbian?”
This is the conclusion that almost everyone seems to come to every time it’s known that I’ve never had a boyfriend. Some people ask the orientation question straight up while others let it linger on until they feel the time’s right. Okay, so technically it goes a little more like this:
Them: Have you ever had a boyfriend before?
Me: Nope. Never, or at least not that I know of…
Them: Really!?! *Gobsmacked look* Why not!?
Me: Because I just never have…?
Them: Oh… are you lesbian?
Then, depending on how I feel, I’ll either tell them straight up, linger on telling them the answer to mess with them, ask them what they think the answer is to keep them guessing or play along with it and see where it goes. Then, during the end of the conversation, they always give me that weirded out look for never of having had a boyfriend. But that’s not even the part that annoys me. What annoys me the most is that afterwards, whether it’s 5 seconds later or 5 days later, they’ll come up and bombard me with:
“We need to find you a boyfriend! You have no idea what you’re missing out on!”
“I need to set you up with someone! Can I set you up with someone!?”
“We need to go boyfriend hunting for you.”
That’s the part that really annoys me. Like, I know they only mean well most of the time but why can’t you just let me be single in peace? What is so wrong about being single? Nothing. So why are you trying to make it sound like it’s a prerequisite to life?
I used to hate this question because, when you’re young, you’re influenced easily and this was (and still is) something that’s looked down upon for the stupidest reasons such as, “you haven’t lived until you’ve gone out with someone!”. Alright, um… thanks for the insight up-and-coming-Ghandi.
I remember going onto Yahoo Answers and basically venting, “14 and never had a boyfriend”, “15 and never had a boyfriend”, “16 and never had a boyfriend”, asking if it was weird (yeah, I really did that…). All the answers would tell me not to worry about it and that it’s not a big deal but I’d still never believe them because I’d already had the impression that it was a burden. All I wanted to do was fit in and while I acted like I didn’t care, I secretly wanted a boyfriend just to say that I have/have had a boyfriend. That was literally my reason, just to get everyone off of my back. Now that I’ve grown up and learnt more, I really don’t care and neither should anyone else. Those Yahoo answers were right. You won’t be a burden or fall down the “social ladder” because of it. You’ll just be you.
Sure, there’s perks to being in a relationship but only a relationship that you want. Don’t try to force someone into a relationship just because “everyone else is doing it”. You’re doing no one any favors here unless you have a license to cupid and they’re happy with it. Don’t try to degrade someone for a reason as stupid as this. Just like relationships, there are perks to being single too. It’s not a one way street. Everyone’s different and everyone handles things differently in their own time, in their own way. Don’t try to force your version of “happiness” onto someone that’s already happy. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t. It’s not social suicide and it’s not a big deal unless you make it out to be one.
So what if they think you’re lesbian? It’s not a bad thing. Turn it into a joke for yourself. So what if they think it’s weird? Who gave them the upper hand when it came to your “well-being”? Are they really the type of people you want to surround yourself around?
I know it’s really hard to get over things like this when you’re constantly surrounded by the judgements of others but as long as you’re confident about it like there’s nothing wrong with it (because there isn’t), people will change their negative views on it. They’ll still judge you at first, no doubt, because it’s seared into their minds but once they see that you can somehow still magically “live life” without a boyfriend, their opinions will slowly change. If it doesn’t, then that says a lot more about them than it does about you.
I’m 18, am happy right now and have never had a boyfriend. That doesn’t satisfy you? Sue me.
P.S. OMG, this post is all over the place…