Hey guys! (Or whoever’s reading)

This update’s just going to be a small overview of what’s happened since I last posted and then I’ll go into more detail with each one in posts to come because I really want to go into detail with them all (for memories and whatnot) but it’d just be waaaay too long for this one post. That, and separating them into their own posts makes them seem less like a task and more like an actual diary for myself if you get what I mean. And this is me procrastinating on an assignment but not for too long.

Anyway, I didn’t want to post anything until I’d finally landed a job (it just felt more productive like that) and now, yours truly has finally landed a job!

And, since January, it’s been a roller coaster of ups and downs. I’ve revisited dad’s home country, landed a job as a Cafe Attendant after months of looking for a job, failed literally all of my uni classes from last Semester, crossed some things off of my bucket list, turned 20 and am no longer in the teens section (even though I still look like it according to everyone), am about to move out of home (sort of-ish) into the city and probably some other stuff that I can’t remember on the spot right now, haha.

I’ll go into more detail for each one but that’s just like a summary of what’s happened since my last post. Life’s starting to fall into place, I’m still trying to adult, I can finally start paying for my own things instead of leeching off of my parents and Centrelink and… yeah!

I’m a happy chappy. 😃



When it comes to spiders, my parents are f*cking fearless and go straight for them. I, on the other hand, do not unless they’re the size of a pea or smaller.

The night before last night, I spotted the spider that my sister had found (but lost) the night before that. I thought she might’ve been exaggerating about how big it was but holy sh*t, it was literally about 3/4 of my hand and me being the brave person I am… called for mum to come and kill it (or at least catch it and take it outside). She went straight for it like a f*cking warrior with her shoe BUT LOST IT. SHE LOST IT.

So I spent the rest of that night and all of yesterday trying to avoid that part of the house as much as I could. But then last night, when I was in the bathroom, I turned around to walk out and what do I see? That mother trucking spider again. So being a mature adult such as myself, I ran for my life while calling for mum who went in with bug spray this time and did the deed.


I woke up about two hours ago to go to the toilet and when I came back out, there was ANOTHER MASSIVE F*CKING SPIDER ON THE WALL. I’m talking the first spider’s cousin kind of spider. It’s wasn’t as big as the first one but it was basically the size of my palm.

This time though, I couldn’t call for mum because, come on, it’s 3 in the morning. So I attempt to take matters into my own hands. I sprayed it with the bug sprays (which both happened to be like 98% empty, just my luck) from a you-can’t-jump-at-me kind of a distance BUT THEN IT STARTED DESCENDING THE WALL and I noped the f*ck out of there and jumped onto the kitchen bench. From there, I saw it make it’s way to the floor behind a chair so I ran for the broom and tried to hype myself up to get close enough to it to get it with the broom since I was out of bug spray. After about 15 minutes of staring at it, it started curling up, walking again and is now curled up again.

And that brings us to now. It’s about 5 in the morning and I’ve been here for almost two hours, just keeping an eye on a curled up spider that’s probably dead but I don’t want to take any chances on it. I don’t want to go near it either, not even with the broom, in case it jumps up at me from it’s fake death. I would rather lose sleep than lose a spider that big. This is how scared of them I am of them.


UPDATE: I just hyped myself up to get close enough to put a container over it. Yeah, it’s 100% dead.


Exactly a year and two days ago, I made a list of new year resolutions that I wanted to do or at least try to get done. They weren’t really things like go skydiving or whatever but more like getting me back on my feet and out again.

GET A JOB: I’ve left this one til super late but once Word finishes downloading itself onto my laptop, I’ll type up a resume and apply to a few places. The only reason I’ve left it until this late is because I’m still super anxious about putting myself out there but it’s not as like… bad as it used to be so fingers crossed that I get something because I’ve honestly wanted a job ever since my last one! I’m just not that confident when it comes to putting myself out there but here’s hoping now!

LEARN TO FIGHT/DEFEND YOURSELF: Okay, if you don’t move too fast -akin to a turtle-, I can hit you with a knife from anywhere up to 20 feet away! That’s basically like… four (really short) people! 😄 After that though it becomes a whole lot less accurate and I don’t exactly carry a knife around with me but I really do want to take up something like Krav Maga too.

EXPLORE SOME NEW PLACES: Check! I’ve been to heaps of new places this year (god bless having a car) but there are some local places that I don’t want to go to alone but I know that no one wants to go exploring there either because it’s not their idea of fun. GAH! On the plus side though, I went to Bali and East Timor in the middle of this year and that was pretty amazing!

REGAIN YOUR CONFIDENCE: Well… I leave the house now and don’t run away from people (for the most part…) so there’s that!

START SOCIALISING MORE AND MAKE NEW FRIENDS: Socialising more; done. Make new friends; that… that didn’t really happen. I don’t know how people do it so easily! I have made more friends but they’re like… they’re more so acquaintances. Like, we really only hang out when other people invite us to group things and then we just kind of hang out in that setting.

FINISH OFF THE MINI PROJECTS YOU STARTED 😉: I actually have no idea what I’m even talking about here but the wink emoji that I put with it makes me slightly uncomfortable…

UPDATE YOUR WARDROBE: It’s so fabulous, I can’t even. I mainly did this to help with my confidence too and it did! But I know that you also shouldn’t really rely on how you look for your confidence so…


START DOING PARKOUR: I think the most I’ve done is just around the house tbh because every time I’m out and think of doing it, I get the feeling that someone’s watching me and I just don’t want them to see me stack it or cross someone yelling at me to get off of the building or whatever.

GET YOURSELF READY TO MOVE OUT: Well in a way I have though I wouldn’t say that I’m anywhere near ready. I still want to move out but I’m just not sure if I’ll be ready for it next year or not and don’t want to rush into it.

BECOME MINIMALISTIC (BUT DON’T GO OVERBOARD): Oh my god, I bought a suitcase for this very reason. I wanted to be able to fit all my clothes into a suitcase for when I move out/around (which I guess flows back into the goal above) and so I wouldn’t go overboard with shopping. I also got rid of most items that I don’t use anymore but that’s really about it.

Yeah, that was just like an update thing to the list I made last year aaaaannndd Word’s still downloading… Maybe I’ll just do my resume tomorrow since it’s almost 10 at night but I just want to put it here because I feel like if I say it in public, I’ll feel more obligated to actually do it instead just being like, “Eh, I’ll do it later” for the 49th time!


I was actually going to post about something closer to my heart today and this literally happened while I was typing it up so it’s obviously more important that I get this out there.

Earlier today, I was walking past the Photos with Santa setup in the shopping centre where a kid was getting his photo taken with Santa and I said, “Aww! I want a picture with Santa!” because let’s face it; it’s Santa. You’d be crazy not to. Well this is where my dream came true!

Long story short: I shit you not, Santa sat next to me while he was waiting to go on his break and I have a picture to prove it!

Short story long: My mum, sister and I were shopping for one of mum’s projects today (well she was shopping; I was just there to drive her to and from places/spend the day with her and my sister was just there to spend the day with us). A trolley full later, my sister and I decided to sit down at a bench while mum was looking in one of the stores but after a short while; my sister left to go to the bathroom and that’s when I pulled my phone out to start blogging about the other thing that I was going to talk about today (because staring at a wall can only entertain you for so long).

Then, as I’m staring at my phone (damn kids these days), I see this massive red blob in the corner of my eye so I look up and mall Santa’s literally walking my way! HE IS WALKING MY WAY. Well, kind of not exactly. He sort of walked straight past me at first to get to his lunch break but the doors that he needed to go through were locked so he had to wait for security to come and open the doors for him. This lead to him finding the nearest seat to wait it out and what do you know! That just so happened to be next to meeeee! So he sat down on the other side of the bench and I literally stared at him for 10 seconds in disbelief; half excited that I was so close to him and half terrified of him because Santa’s obviously on a whole other level to normal people. He’s like a mother trucking GOD.

He said Merry Christmas to a few kids walking by and had a 3 second chat with an old lady before there was a gap of silence with him doing absolutely nothing. That’s when I finally worked up the courage to ask for a picture with him. I seriously actually had to work up the courage to do it because that man intimidates me for reasons that I don’t even know. I think I was also just waiting for the right time to ask him without interrupting his interactions with kids. But he obviously said, “Of course you can!” and I slid next to him faster than a kid on a water slide to take our sacred picture together. I said thank you and slid back to my side of the bench, you know, because I’m such a smooth talker and all that and about 5 seconds later, security finally arrived to let him through the doors so it was short lived but fan-freaking-tastic.

And this is the reason why I was so giddy all day:


I got a picture with Santa! It’s SAAAANNNTTTAAA (well almost)! ❤


I forgot how much I used to love exploring new places on foot.

In my last year of high school, I skipped school a lot and just wandered around for the most part, going wherever the path took me. Sometimes I’d just walk until I found a park or the beach, sometimes I’d catch the bus to one of the main parts of town; whatever I wanted. I just wandered.

Anyway, I went to the beach today but instead of going to my usual spot to soak up some sun, I went in the opposite direction on what ended up being a loooong ass walk. I ended up detouring off of the beach, going through a tunnel, onto a boardwalk I’d never known about before and (at some point) climbed up a cliff to get a higher view of the beach.

I know it doesn’t sound that interesting when I put it like that but it reminded me of how much I love exploring new places (I just don’t do it often anymore because no one I know really wants to go exploring the way I do and I feel super weird going to more popular places alone). I don’t know how to fully explain it. Whenever I go exploring, I get all excited about what’s up ahead or finding new places/other routes. It’s like that kiddy kind of excitement where you want to run ahead of everyone else because you just can’t wait. I’m just so in awe of everything and caught up in the moment that I can’t hide my excitement.

I just feel like I can lose myself for a few hours and enjoy the moment. For me, it’s like being a kid again and going on an adventure around the playground except this time the whole world’s your playground. ❤


Whenever I see someone eating alone at a restaurant, I always feel sorry for them because they’re alone. We all know that there are over a thousand reasons why they could be eating by themselves and it’s not always bad but I’m pretty sure most of our brains usually narrow it down to, “awh, they wanted to have a nice dinner out but had no one to go with so they went alone.”

I’m always so torn between starting a conversation with them (or at least giving them a quick smile if they’re too far away) or just completely leaving them alone! I really want to talk to them incase they’re lonely and would actually love to have a nice conversation with someone but I also don’t want to interrupt them or bother them incase they genuinely want to be left alone. I’m also an awkward mothertrucker so I feel like conversations just wouldn’t flow well with me and I’m just horrible in general when it comes to starting them.

It’s usually older people too and I can’t help but think that either most of their friends have passed away/grown apart or their families have just all gone their seperate ways (or both), leaving them alone for most of the year until the holidays roll around and it just makes me sad seeing things like this. 😢

Obviously it’s not always because they’re lonely but it just breaks my heart!


Mum and I were talking in the car before when out of nowhere she asked whether or not I had a boyfriend. I told her the truth, that I don’t, but also asked her why she thought that. Apparently, it’s because I’ve been going out a lot more than usual and sometimes at different hours of the day (like early in the morning/later at night).

Oh my god, I laughed to myself so hard when she told me this (and then cried a little on the inside 😅) because it’s so far from the truth.

I don’t have a boyfriend that I’ve been going out to see nor has my social life gotten any busier. The truth is; I get really bored sitting at home all day and like my personal space/time alone (which is sometimes hard to get at home) so I either go out to places alone or, for the most part, just go for really long drives to absolutely nowhere because I’m that bored. I just want to get away from everyone for a while. Plus, I love driving early in the morning/late at night because there’s almost no traffic so it’s like you have the roads to yourself. Either that or I’m actually just out with friends.

To be fair though, instead of telling her I’m just going out for a drive, I tell her that I’m going out to see a friend/friends because I don’t want everyone to know that I’m actually just out wasting petrol with my boredom.

But the woman wouldn’t believe me when I told her that there was no guy in my life and now she thinks that I’m hiding my “boyfriend” from the family! So I’ve started playing along with it now just for the laughs.

I mean, a guy would be great right about now instead of just using up car fuel but such is life. Don’t worry mum, your dream come true for me will happen one day… just not today. 😝


This morning, I went to pick mum up from the airport as she was flying in from overseas but when I actually got there, she was nowhere to be seen so I circled the pick up/drop off area a few more times to try and scout her out before deciding to just park the car for a bit before checking again. This routine went on for about half an hour until my sister started texting me, concerned when I told her that mum still hadn’t come out yet.

At first, she suggested that mum’s flight might’ve been delayed but when she checked online; the flight was on time and had safely landed. Next, she thought I might’ve gotten the dates wrong but that couldn’t be right because mum had told me that she’d boarded the night before. Afterwards, she said that security might be taking a while to get through everyone but come on; 45 minutes? Mum’s not going to be that illegal.

After over an hour of constantly circling the pick up/drop off area (and probably making security a little suspicious at the amount of times my car went past), my sister suggested just going into the actual airport and looking for her. I was completely fine with this until I was trying to figure out the airport’s layout in my head to know where to walk to and 3, 2, 1… YOU FREAKING IDIOT.

Now, remember in the very first sentence when I said that mum was flying in from overseas (or are you just about to look again)?

This particular airport has two completely separate terminals; domestic and international. Whenever I’m picking dad up from the airport (which is almost every time) I always pick him up from the domestic terminal because, while he’s coming back from an overseas country, he always has a layover at another airport in our country so he goes through the domestic terminal. Here’s the thing though; my mind likes to simplify things so instead of being smart and thinking of his flight back as overseas → layover in our country → our airport it’s overseas → our airport. I always forget about the layover for some reason. Since mum was coming in from an overseas country too, I connected those two bits of “information” together and thought to just pick her up from the same place as dad in my I-woke-up-at-4:30am-state-of-a-haze.

I asked my sister if the domestic and international terminals were connected (because I wasn’t entirely sure where to walk to) and that’s when she called to face palm on my behalf and tell me that I was in the wrong freaking terminal this whole freaking time. For over an hour, mum was patiently waiting for me at the international terminal; the right place, while I was trying to scout her out over at the domestic terminal; the wrong place. I drove over to the international terminal, found a parking spot, went inside and lo and behold; our long lost muuuumm (but not until after I’d walked straight past her in my panic of looking for her; it takes a special kind of skill to get onto this level of oblivious).

All you had to do today was pick your mum up from the airport. You had one job, Xiva. ONE. JOB.


This whole time I thought it was me!

I have my sister’s old car and for almost a year, I’ve noticed these massive scratches and a cracked headlight cover on the front left of my car but I had no idea how they even happened. I don’t remember hitting anything but I also used to blast my music really loudly while I was driving so I thought it was either:

A) I did hit/scratch against something while I was driving but didn’t hear it because my music was too loud (and didn’t feel it for some reason)


B) Someone else hit/did something to my car when I wasn’t there but did a runner instead of owning up to it.

Part of me (okay, all of me) was hoping that it was B just so I could tell myself that I’m not a completely shitty driver but the other part of me “knew” that it must’ve been me. Well you know freaking what?! IT WASN’T ME. After almost a year of thinking it was my fault even though I had no idea how or when it happened, my older sister looks at the scratched and cracked part of the car today and says, “Jeez, what happened here?”

I reply with, “I don’t even know! I just saw it there one day!”

To which she replies with, “Haha, oh wait I did that when I had this car. Woops.”

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW. She’s seen that part of the car so many times, asked me what happened so many times and only just remembers NOW? I just… I… woooooooww. I think what happened was that the scratches used to be a lot smaller when I got the car but, because I still haven’t gotten them fixed/patched up yet, mother nature’s slowly stripped the paint around the scratches away; making it look worse and way more noticeable than when it was handed down to me.

But I’d just like to reiterate; it wasn’t me that put those scratches there in the first place.



This is something that I’m extremely hypocritical about.

I 100% hate people that are overly late to our plans just because they weren’t organised or because they felt like straightening their hair last minute and didn’t bother telling me even though I had to wait an extra 40 minutes (I’m still bitter about that, M)!

Five minutes late? That’s fine, no big deal. Once you stretch past the 10-15 minute mark without a reasonable excuse; I do the subtly b*tchy thing of making excuses to not hang out with you the next few times you try to make plans with me until my grudge is over because I’m not a mature person. If you know you’re going to be late, just text or call me! That way I can occupy myself with something instead of just sitting there and waiting for you (in the motherfreaking summer heat, M)!

But I’d be lying if I said that I was never late because I am… All the damn time. Even when I leave the house on time, something always comes up to make me late. Whether it’s a family member, traffic, car troubles, etc; there’s always something.

So these are my unwritten guidelines to being appropriately late:

Hanging out with one person – Be on time but, if you must, no later than the 5 minute mark. After that, you should’ve texted with a damn good excuse unless you were already driving because I also don’t want you to get into an accident.

Hanging out with two or more people – It’s not as bad because they still have someone else with them but they can’t be blamed if they want to start the day without you because you took too long out of disorganisation.

Party or event with a lot of people – Do they even notice you’re not there?

Parties and events are usually the only things that I’m purposefully late to (if I’m arriving alone) because I’m honestly just not good at being a social person so it’s just easier for me to arrive later since it means that I have to socialise for less and sit/stand there nervously for less. It also means that I can go straight to my friends/family that have already arrived instead of waiting for them to get there; cue the awkward human that becomes friends with a plant until a familiar face arrives because she doesn’t know how to socialise. It’s just a better experience for everyone in general when I do this. If I am late to an event, I let the host know beforehand and they’re always fine with it since there are over 50+ other people there so it never ends up being that big of a deal, if at all.

There’s fashionably late. There’s accidentally late. Then there’s the get-your-priorities-straight kind of late.